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Hello, and welcome to  Cosmic Cathy’s advice column, where I will answer your problems by asking my trusty tarot cards your questions. Be them big or small, comedy related or personal, I will deliver the answer to all your woes with one turn of the card!

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Dear Cosmic Cathy, I keep getting invited to loads of events and I'm too polite to say no. (I love doing nothing.) How do I say no without offending anyone? Polite-Potato, The Couch. 

 

Dear Polite-Potato, I’ve drawn you Temperance in the reversed position, which suggests you are indulging in all or nothing behaviour. Does this mean that you cannot say yes to an invite without bringing home a traffic cone (or stranger) to cuddle up with before you’re hugging the toilet in the morning? Oh no, you already said you like to do nothing, in that case, this card is also the card of catastrophising, which suggests maybe you’re imagining all kind horrors as “punishment” for your rude behaviour, when, in fact, the worst that your host will think is “What a shame Polite-Potato won’t make it.” Come on now, practice saying it with me; “No thank you, maybe next time” - that is all you need to say. 

 

 

Dear Cosmic Cathy, I've wanted to be a comedian my whole life and finally started to follow my dream 3 years ago. However lately my life outside comedy has gotten so busy I don't have time to write or practice and when I do get on stage I let myself and the audience down to the extent that I've decided to quit. I love the comedy scene and feel heartbroken. How do I cope with the grief of losing my hobby and the friends that went with it? Funny-Failure, Scotland. 

 

Dear Funny-Failure, I’ve drawn Death, well what a final sounding card that is, and there was me thinking this was just another comedian throwing a hissy-fit after a bad gig (admit it, we’ve all done it!) Death signifies closing one door so another can open, and so it seems you must not grieve too long before you move on and find another hobby and associated acquaintances - your real friends should be able to transition without the hobby holding them in place. I know you say you’re busy, but you must find at least a little time for yourself - the card said so!

 

 

Dear Cosmic-Cathy, I know I need to lose a few pounds as I am feeling unhealthy and breathless after reaching for a biscuit, but the couch and I have formed a very comfortable relationship. What are some simple first steps to get moving without feeling like I’m climbing a mountain? Thunder-Thighs, Thurso

 

Dear Thunder-Thighs, I’ve drawn you the Nine of Cups reversed, a card that suggests you got exactly what you thought you wanted and you don’t really want that at all. You need to get out of your comfort zone, you thought you wanted rest and that has made you feel so bad you’ve written in to a psychic agony aunt - well, the cards are saying try doing something you don’t want to do, take that first step and the rest will follow. You don’t need to run a marathon, just get up right this minute, put your trainers on and go out the door - whether you walk a hundred yards or start doing Couch to 5K is up to you, but whatever you do, it is a step in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself. What you were doing wasn’t working, so take that first step RIGHT NOW!

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Please send in your problems, big or small for next month’s Cosmic Cathy column. 

  

Disclaimer: Cosmic Cathy can only take credit for positives that come from your reading, she cannot be implemented in personal catastrophes, court cases or your divorce.