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Hello, and welcome to your monthly mystical manifesto! Well, OK it is more of a column, but alliteration makes me sound more magical. Horoscopes are so last-century, so I, Cosmic Cathy will guide your most important decisions by drawing a tarot card especially for you (and around 666,666,666 people in the world who share your birth month.) Are you ready? Think of the advice you need, head to your sign, and the answer to all your burning questions will be revealed:

 

ARIES: The Queen of Pentacles - Reversed

 

What happened Aries? Last month you were riding high and this month you’re heading towards skid row. You need to stop spending, you’re digging yourself into a financial hole, but maybe if you don’t speculate so much you might be able to accumulate. And whatever you do, don’t buy those new shoes - spend that money on your overdue credit-card balance!

 

TAURUS: The Four of Swords

 

Who hurt you Taurus? Well, if you’re honest, it was probably something you did, even if it was just putting yourself in that situation. Stop going at things like a bull in a china shop and take it easy, you know deep down that carrying on forcing the issue will just result in more pretty things getting broken. There is a lesson to learn here and you’ll only begin to understand once you stop, breathe, step back and let the calm in. 

 

GEMINI: The Five of Swords - Reversed

 

I must’ve read your cards wrong Gemini? You, one of the most dramatic signs in the zodiac is going to get a grip on your competitive nature and let someone else have the last word in arguments, even though you know they are (of course) wrong. This is impressively mature behaviour. Give yourself a pat on the back, but don’t let it go to your head. This maturity suits you and will pay off later. 

 

CANCER: The Two of Swords 

 

You’ve got a choice to make Cancer and you’re not enjoying having to make it. So, sit down, make a cup of tea (or coffee*) and a list of pros and cons to work out for once and for all which you prefer out of rocks and hard places, (or, if you prefer frying-pans and fires*.) Then take the leap and hope for the best. (*Maybe these are your hard choice.)

 

LEO: Strength

 

Either you’ve been pumping iron in the gym (well done!) or else you’ve been struggling to do the right thing Leo. This is one of those frustrating times when you need to follow your instincts and do the right thing, no matter how much it hurts your ego. Trust me, not feeling like the boss now will prevent you feeling like the biggest loser since Elon got kicked out the MAGA cult. 

 

VIRGO: The Four of Wands - Reversed

 

Oh dear Virgo, are you feeling a wee bitty left out? Cracks are forming in some relationships and you feel like you’re losing the plot. Don’t worry, in this case you absolutely can paper over the cracks, be nice to people and very soon the answer of how to get them back on side will come to you. (Hint; the answer is often a gift of cake!) 

 

LIBRA: The Hierophant - Reversed

 

The Hierophant represents all things traditional, especially relationships, but when he is reversed, anything goes! What bizarre fun that will offend your granny are you getting up to this month? Whatever it is, have fun and don’t let the conservatives tell you no. If you’re painfully conventional, you can always paint your toe-nails with polka-dots. 

 

SCORPIO: The Eight of Cups - Reversed

 

Well someone’s being a stubborn scorpion this month! What’s up Scorpio, why are you afraid to move forward? You’ve suffered a major set-back but you’re still standing, get writing, get practicing and get back in front of the spot-light where you belong!

 

SAGITTARIUS:  The Eight of Wands

 

Things are really starting to happen now for you Sagittarius, and they are happening FAST! It is going to be a great month and each success will lead to more and more opportunities. That’s not to say you’re infallible (sorry!) but if you make a mistake you’ll learn from it and move on stronger, you’re a positive dynamo this month… well done! If this doesn’t apply to you, go and cut eight branches from a hazel tree at dawn on a Wednesday and fashion them into 8 wands to sell on Etsy - at least that way you’ll feel useful and I’ll be right! 

 

CAPRICORN:  The Knight of Wands - Reversed

 

Why are you blaming someone else Capricorn? This is your problem and you need to own it! Yes, yes you might have been great in any other situation, but you weren’t that time, so what can you do to improve? Maybe have a B-set of knock-knock jokes or a power-point explaining your humour for next time your audience is too dumb to get it.

 

AQUARIUS: The World - Reversed

 

Your whole world has turned upside-down, oh no! You’re not feeling as successful as you feel you should be and you’re worrying how to fix it - don’t. Everything is exactly as it should be, just keep on going and it will all be alright in the end. If this doesn’t apply to you … good luck on your Australian gig (or tour!)  

 

PISCES: The Three of Pentacles - Reversed

 

Plan, practice and drop perfectionism Pisces! You’re trying too hard to be perfect, not only is it affecting your performance, it is also making you look a tad egotistical. Remember, the audience don’t know what’s in your head, if it goes wrong, make it part of the act - so what if it was meant to be a satirical look at the death of our civilization and you happened to trip over the mic-lead, so long as you get a laugh. 

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