The Laughs of Us | The Snigger

GAMING

BY Euan Scarlett

It’s November, which means, as elderly Scottish ladies used to say, and may still do, that the nights are fair drawing in, meaning more time in the dark to play videogames. If you are a regular reader then you may recall I was going to talk retro this month as I had been delving into my Sega Saturn collection, but then I randomly decided that this month should also be when I finally took the plunge and spunked a stupid amount of money I didn’t really have on upgrading my PC which I needed for ‘work’. Which meant I spent a lot of time installing games I already owned, turning all the graphic options up to 11 and basking in the shiny shiny for a bit whilst I tried to see if anything grabbed me.

Eventually I did end up playing a couple of games way past ‘a wee shot to see if I like this’ stage, the first was 2024’s ambitious indie action RPG “Banishers: Ghosts Of New Eden” which I played to the end, and the second was one of the biggest selling games of 2023, another action RPG “Hogwart’s Legacy” from the Wizarding World of She Who Shall Not Be Named.

I felt justified having a go on that since it had been added to Game Pass so I could morally justify playing it as I technically hadn’t sent any money to her directly and had already made peace with the fact that Microsoft, like Amazon, are inherently evil, but often provide me reliably the services I require at prices I deem reasonable to pay, which is unlikely to be £22.99 a month when my subscription runs out, Microsoft. Anyway, I’m in the middle of the Hogwarts game just now and it’s a jolly good time so far, despite me giving not one Kneazle bollock about the franchise. More on that later.

“Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden” is an action RPG from independent French/Canadian studio Don’t Nod, who previously gave us the award-winning, critically acclaimed and enormously popular ‘Life is Strange’. That five-episode adventure game is a genuine all-timer and should be on anyone’s bucketlist for any number of reasons, not the least of which are the literally thousands of online posts and user reviews, articles, fan-fiction and other genuine outpours of love and affection for the tale of Max Caulfield and her BFF Chloe Price.

Might not be your cup of tea, especially if you like to use the word ‘woke’ regularly to describe, well, anything really, but for many people it was legitimately life-changing / affirming. It’s another of the recently announced deluge of games being adapted to TV or Film, so even those in the non-gaming subset of the anti-woke brigade will also soon be able to enjoy being triggered by ladies kissing.

Since Life is Strange, Don’t Nod’s catalogue is full of interesting titles that often feature decent writing, world-building and characters but are regularly let down by flawed execution or sometimes perplexing design decisions. Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden is an ambitious story-led action game clearly inspired by Sony Santa Monica’s 2018 Playstation 4 blockbuster “God of War”, and in many ways I enjoyed it more than that game. However, despite enjoying both and playing both to the end of their main storylines, I would be lying if I said that they didn’t both almost completely overstay their welcome, and both plots go on just too long enough to just about blow any goodwill and forgiveness towards the otherwise glaring and perplexing minor design flaws that plague both titles, and that up to that point you’ve been able to get past due to the overall exceptional writing, acting, characters and surprisingly decent and emotionally-affecting plots both games do offer in abundance.

Again, television viewers can look forward to a non-interactive version of God of War, and passively enjoying that story of the former Greek God of War finally bonding with his son whilst on a journey to fulfil the last wishes of his deceased wife and the boy’s mother, twatting a huge number of Asgardians on the way (that’s the proper Norse mythology ones, not the pretty-boy Australian ones), when it makes its way to Amazon courtesy of Ronald D. Moore, who recently gave us Outlander and previously was responsible for the phenomenal early 2000s reboot of Battlestar Galactica. Sadly, Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden hasn’t had the blockbuster sales enjoyed by God of War and is less likely to see a screen adaptation, which is a shame. Set in a fictionalised 1695, the story involves two ‘Banishers’, a sort of warrior-mystic sect who can detect ghosts and similar entities, and in the game’s fiction are responsible for identifying and banishing hauntings since supernatural beings are very real. Antea Duarte, a black Cuban-born scholar and mystic, and her apprentice, and lover, a former Scottish soldier Ruaidhrigh “Red” MacRaith, arrive in New Eden, a part of ‘the colonies’, at the behest of an old friend, to investigate a possible haunting. Discovering their friend has died trying to battle the spirit before they arrived, when they encounter the entity themselves they realise too late it is a rare spirit known as a Nightmare and that they have woefully underestimated how powerful it is. The initial battle leaves Antea dead and Red at death’s door. After being nursed back to health, Red discovers he is haunted by the ghost of his former mentor and love due to a curse placed on them by the Nightmare, and that they now have the choice of fulfilling their Banisher oath and ascending Antea’s spirit after retrieving her body from the Nightmare, or resurrecting her through a necromantic ritual that involves human sacrifice. Bound together, they must investigate and resolve the cause of the haunting and make their choice.

Essentially the game itself boils down to three distinct bits – Fighty-shooty bit; investigate haunting bit; running around the map bit. Now, the fighty bit is solid, and whilst I felt that there were definitely some improvements that could have been made to flow by addition of moves switching back to Red from Antea during combinations, and that it took far too long to open up enough options to make combat more satisfying late game, it was generally fun and challenging. There were however a distinct lack of enemy varieties, combat ambushes became predictable, and Bosses were universally pretty shit and boring to fight. Ghost investigations are almost all interesting morality tales resulting in a wee dilemma at the end deciding the fate of the ghost and the person haunted, and are always entertaining, but gameplay largely is reduced to ‘talk to person, go to location, look at all items in location and maybe take one, go to other location and repeat until all story uncovered then return to haunted and make decision. Not much interaction but the stories are worth hearing. You solve hauntings, uncover the bad spirits, and fight them to second death, basically. All of which is fine and entertaining and that. Then you get to the third bit, the running around the map, and that fucks everything else up. In a game that insists on so much back-tracking between different locations, simply getting from place to place becomes an interminable chore, the map constantly broken up into wee bits by a rock you have to climb up or a cliff you have to edge along or yet another fallen fucking log to negotiate. Is it a pretty map and world – yes. Would this issue have been resolved by say, allowing a player to fast travel back to any bonfire from anywhere, not just from another bonfire – also yes. The story was great, the wee hauntings were great, the combat was ok, the graphics were good, the performances were fantastic, but what could have been an incredible 20-25 hour experience became a 60 hour slog by the end, which I only reached due to being determined to play until the end the first story and character led game I can remember to have a Scottish lead character.

Speaking of Scottish people, that brings me nicely to the second game I played this month, Hogwart’s Legacy.

Jo lay back on their bed, exhausted. It had been an eventful first day, more than they could have ever imagined so when they had received the letter from Professor Weasley inviting them to attend the new term at Hogwarts that year.

First of all, Jo had to choose a new name, face and body type. That had been exciting, and Jo hadn’t considered that it would take as long to do as it did when they started, but it was important that everything be perfect. Only when they were completely satisfied that all of their new bits were in the correct place did Jo then remotely consider meeting with Professor Fig as agreed.

Fig was waiting patiently at the agreed spot when Jo finally arrived, having spent some further time settling on the ideal modulation of their voice and then deliberating if they were a wizard or a witch. Soon, Jo and Fig were flying off towards Scotland in an airborne carriage, accompanied by Fig’s friend George Osric. Jo thought the carriage ride terribly dull, the two old men rattling on about some old artefact or other that they couldn’t unlock when Jo had unlocked it on the first go. Stupid idiots, Jo had thought at the time. In fact, had the carriage not been attacked by a dragon, and silly old Georgie not been eaten by the dragon, the journey would have undoubtedly been duller than the magnificent Bore of Dullasfuckia who as everyone knows is always chosen as the dullest from a group of the dullest of all the dull people from every country of the world during the ritual of Apathy.

As luck had it, the artefact that had been so difficult to unlock had a key in it that was magic, and so rather than being subjected to a choice of fiery dragon death or death by splatting into the ground from a great height, Jo and Professor Fig were magically teleported instead to Scotland. Which was handy, since they had been heading there already. Unfortunately it was not possible to select a destination when travelling by magic key, and so neither of them knew exactly where the fuck they were. Since there was only one path to follow however, they followed it to a mysterious castle. Inside the castle they found a mysterious magical portal that only Jo could see. They tried to show it to Professor Fig, but he couldn’t see it. With nothing else to lose, they tried touching the mystery hole.

Jo had heard before about mysterious holes that could take you to magical places when touched. This one took them to Gringott’s Bank, and the start of a mine cart ride.

As they exited the mine cart ride at the door of a mysterious vault, Jo couldn’t help but enthuse about it.

“Wow that was great!” they exclaimed. “Almost exactly like the one in 1984’s blockbuster sequel Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom!”

“Yes”, Fig agreed. “However it’s probably best we don’t mention that again since this game is set in the 19th century”

After the borderline anti-Semitic stereotype at the vault door had granted them access using the handy magic key again, they discovered the typical set of simplistic and easily solved puzzles you would find sealing any important and mysterious magical artefact that may or may not be dangerous and solved them quickly, discovering a macguffin and a plot point. Suddenly, some other Goblin arrived and kicked off, claiming the vault and contents belonged to them. Since they had technically stolen the key then fraudulently passed themselves off as its owner, Jo and Fig decided now was a good time to make a sharp exit, which they did via another handy magical hole.

By sheer fortuitous coincidence, this magical hole took the duo directly to the grounds of Hogwarts. Jo had just had time to take part in the sorting ceremony and then they were shown to their room here in the dormitory.

It was a strange beginning to a new school year

“I hope tomorrow will be just as exciting”, Jo thought, as they quickly fell asleep.