August 2025

Oliver Pissed has been serving up word salads for the comedically impoverished for the last decade. This hyperbolic alcoholic comedic character has stranger than fiction diciton and a vernacular that's pure dead spectacular.

Oliver is a stand up comedian (Laurel Award Finalist 2025), slam poetry champion(Scottish Slam Finals 2020) and founder of cult alternative comedy show Clusterfck Circus as seen on YouTube. 

Mr Pissed has performed all over the country including Belladrum Tartan Heart Festival, Glasgow International Comedy Festival and the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

The first rule of Snigger club is you do not talk about Snigger Club. The second rule of Snigger club is NO SILENT S's! - I am Jack's wasted life. 

But is a lifetime wasted a wasted lifetime? After all a permo is for life, not just for Christmas. 

My name is Oliver and I've been Pissed for the last decade, I identify as fictional. I am a comedic alter ego that only comes out after dark(fruits). A low effort character act, a hyperbolic alcoholic, a Poundland Tyler Durden - I am Jack's complete lack of a premise.

I wasn't always like this of course, I used to be a real estate agent, but now I just pretend. I was first diagnosed as ficticous after a mental breakdown caused my ego to split into multiple alters - I am Jack's imaginary friend. 

I had it all; the corporate job, the electric tin opener, the fucking big television - until I got fired for telling a NSFW joke. So I went out on a bender to drown my sorrows and while rolling about the gutters, down on my luck, I was bitten by a radioactive wedgie jakeball! - I am Jack's MD 2020 intolerance.

So like all good origin stories, I gained super funny patter powers, put on a costume and disassociated into the worst type of super villain... a Scottish Stand Up Comedian - I am Jack's smirking revenge.

I moved into a dilapidated party flat on West Paperless Street with my imaginary girlfriend Sarla Minger.

Together we've been fighting for equal rights for ficticous entities through a series of night terror panic attacks; but the first rule of project maniac is I can only talk to myself about it - I am Jack's raging morning erection.

An average day in the life of a scumbag Scottish stand up super villain consists mostly of wanking. Self improvement is masterbation, improvement isn't funny; failure is - I am Jack's hairy palms.

An average night consists of actually doing a gig for once, trying out new jokes on the fly, then crying because the fly was the only audience. 

You bomb so hard your whole imaginary world comes crashing down around you, and you'll ask yourself; where is my mind? Where is my mind? - I am Jack's first bum ecky.

Oliver Pissed

Glasgow's magnificent and historic Panopticon was full for the final of the Laurel Awards, now in its second year. Once again it was hosted by John Carruthers, who as well as being the compere also served as time keeper to ensure the performers kept to their allotted time.

Once again, the contestants were judged by a panel of three professional comedians.  Last year's judge Graham Mackie was back for the second year. Tony Roper was one of the judges last year, and was scheduled to judge again this evening, but unfortunately due to illness had to pull out. Fortunately, at very short notice the brilliant Gary Little was able to step in and become one of the judges. The third judge was Tom Urie, a well known Scottish actor and musician.

First to take the stage was Dominique Barclay - energetically hopping around to ‘Gary Gliitters' Leader of the Pack.  Next up was Oliver Pissed, a  self-described Irvine Welsh composite character. Vanessa Correia followed Oliver, she is a displaced Indian from a Christian background that doesn't hold cows as sacred animals. Veteran of the Panopticon Brian Mooney’s   came on stage with guitar in hand  for a musical number which didn’t fail to get the crowd going.  Jen Thomson Ross followed with cooking options for a vegan.

Allan Ritchie opened the second half of the show with a hilarious skit of how the older generation relates to contemporary technology. Alessia entertained the crowd with her tales on Sicilian home life. Andrew Hanlon was up next, a Geordie of Irish Traveller/Maltese heritage.  Tatoo Dave, the 3rd last in the group and a worthy finalist followed by Jamie Shellam , a  man from the Midlands of England who migrated to Edinburgh then Glasgow and finally Kirsty Lynch,  from Paisley gave one of her best performances.

The winner of the night decided by the judges was David Em Cee whose dark humour made him the well-deserved winner.

Raymond Mearns 

​This is the second part of our brilliant interview with the top man on the Scottish comedy scene. Read on to find out his tips for comedy success, who he finds funny, more about authenticity and why he loves a sunset.

“I have this exalted status in the Scottish comedy scene, but at the top of a mountain you can also be in the throes of anxiety”

So says Mearns as we talk about his status in Scotland and beyond. Someone who is revealing himself to be vulnerable, but incredibly open to both Kavita and myself.

What does Mearns think about us newbies on the scene? What do you think he would say?

Authenticity is what Raymond wants to see in comedians. Be authentic, be yourself, but that can also take any artistic form you want of course. However, you wish to present yourself as a comedian it has to come from within but of course be “fkn funny!”.

Who does he like as a comedian?

Amongst Bill Burr and Connolly Mearns mentioned his Glesga Da podcast co-host Stuart Mitchell, whom he admires very much.

“Stuart is incredible, he is the embodiment of someone who will be incredibly successful, he is drive on the business side, but also a master of the set-up/punchline, set/up punchline craft”.

Raymond told me he can do an Edinburgh run and tell different stories and jokes every night. A friend said to him that he should be more famous than he is and many agree.

Why isn’t he?

“Because I am a lazy arsehole”. For all his self-deprecating Raymond did want the big time. 

His hobby outside of comedy isn’t gardening or darts, not playing cards or golf. When Raymond is at home he loves to sit and build Lego figures – the big ones – the adult ones, with complicated instructions and hours of concentration, Mearns has the time too!

I can see why as a big Lego nerd myself; Lego is brilliant. Better than painting Warhammer figures, I think! I ask him what his best one is? R2D2 is his best build. He has not yet done CP30….

Raymond after his stroke took time to recover, changed beer for herbal teas but also now does yoga in a local community centre with a bunch of lovely people. He looks after himself. “For a fat fkr, I am fairly flexible, though I canny lie flat and put my leg up behind me, that’s hard”. But he will practice it, standing on one leg and has got it to a respectable time.

Finally, I ask Raymond to pick his favourite picture from a selection including a sunset and it is that one he points out. “Probably the sunset. I love going on holiday, standing watching it. We were in Crete recently, and where we were the sun came up over the Aegean Sea, and it was amazing.

I remember I wanted to watch the sun come up over the Atlantic, from the west coast of Ireland. I went up a mountain and watched the sun come up. I am big on that, the sun coming up in the morning and the sun going down at night. In 2018 Annie and I went to Morro Bay in California, we drove down Highway 1, looking out on to the sea and there was the sun going down over the Pacific too”.

“I’m like an onion, the more you ask, the more shit  you learn about me….” We wind up our interview and what I can say is that for a lemon and ginger tea drinking, Lego loving sunset watching yogi, his generosity and support has been amazing.

Finally, I ask if he wears any kaftans or beads…if you want to know where he keeps his beads, in typical Mearns style he says “If I had beads, I would just keep them up his arse!

Vanessa Correia ​

A resident grump discovering their funny bone.

​Comedy to me is therapy. It has helped me see life in a way I never would have. It makes me think more deeply about life around me and fills me with a sense of gratitude when I can find something to laugh about despite hardships around me. It fills me with hope and reminds me that both triumph and disaster are temporary, just like Rudyard Kipling had observed.

This realisation is ever evolving, but only recently found just after a work Christmas night out in December 2024 “You’re the funniest person I’ve ever worked with.” This was what my colleague said to me. I thought he was just drunk out of his mind. I was too anxious to talk to any of these people I worked with over two years, let alone say something that would make them laugh. I kept to myself, thought I was stoic and unapproachable most of my life, made no friends.

It made me look inward. I’ve never been artsy – I’m that standard overachieving South Asian kid, a straight-A student, went on to do an engineering degree and masters and became independent as soon as possible. I’m not the wittiest – I’ve never been the centre of attention in social situations and would mostly avoid people. I’m not the cheeriest person you’d see – while I’ve had a loving family and a few close friends, my childhood and most of my life has not been the best for me mental-health wise, moving countries/cities often, having no siblings and spending a lot of time away from family left me socially isolated and distant for most of life. I’d been diagnosed depressed and finally accepted anti-depressants, my dad was ill and I couldn’t see him, I had a failing relationship, I did not have many friends, certainly none in Scotland.

The next day he confirmed he meant what he said. That he genuinely enjoyed working with me, not only because of my performance at work, but because I made him laugh every day. He said “You are funny. You’re never afraid to say your thoughts and observations out loud and you always have a rejoinder for any sarcasm, even if you do not do it intentionally.” I shared this with my partner and my mum, people I was closest with and knew me better than anyone. They agreed as well. I couldn’t believe it! Mum added. “You’re a very serious and reserved person but you always have a way of observing life and saying the most hilarious of things. You just say these things with such a straight face, you should relax a bit and not be hard on yourself!”

Over the next couple of months, I did break a little out of my isolating shell and socialise more with people around me and I could feel my self-confidence growing. I paid more attention to situations and discovered people genuinely liked me and thought I had interesting things to say. People at work saw this change and suggested I try stand-up comedy - it was a good laugh but I gave it a serious thought to add to my ever growing list of hobbies. I wrote down random life experiences I found funny, I built my joke vault to around 5-7 minutes worth of content. Now for the test.

One evening I found myself walking up to a local pub that hosted weekly music open mics, and asked for a space to perform comedy. Thought it would be a lot easier to just give it a go somewhere people did not know me. It was a packed room that night and I tested a few jokes, mostly based on my life. People were there for music and not expecting comedy, but once I got the first round of laughs and dealt with a heckle/interruption in my very first gig, everyone stopped and paid attention. Got more laughs and a lot of appreciation for being a unique act in a rock-music dominant space, and I was hooked. I had people coming up to me and telling me they were expecting me to sing but when I brought the jokes out they stayed for the laughter.

It did take me a month to go over to a comedy open mic. One of my friends posted a picture of me doing comedy at the Keg Music Open Mic nights on Instagram and I found myself “outed” as a comedian - what followed was an outpouring of support from friends all over the world. I had no idea about any comedy events or had nobody to speak to, but I did manage to find out about Open Sauce online, and they accepted my application. Did my first five minutes at a comedy club and there was a lot of support from people on the circuit as well, which reduced the impostor syndrome of doing comedy while not being “part” of the circuit.

I got to know of more gigs by connecting with them, especially Kathleen Hughes whom I'd met at Open Sauce and who had introduced me to Humour Mill. Feedback from other comics at their comedy writing drop-in made me discover that while my style was naturally deadpan, I still had a strong stage presence. I always thought comedians were animated and did various voices and impressions, but I got the most laughs by simply….existing. My experience in public speaking and debate throughout school and uni (I gave my first speech on stage at the age of six, my father wrote a draft and helped me memorise it over weeks!) meant I was never a stranger on stage, This experience coupled with my reserved, overachieving nature throughout my life made me discover my own brand of funny. Turns out this plain, boring bookworm did have a funny way with words!

I went to more events through March and April, with one of my best performances being at the Paisley Comedy Festival Open Mic, where I had audience members thank me for my set and were surprised to hear I had been doing comedy for just about two months! Jade Kelly was the host that night and she encouraged me to reach out to more organisers for open mics. I went to more events around Glasgow and Paisley, receiving a lot more support from comics who had not seen me before and were surprised to hear of where I started with comedy.

The first highlight of my comedy stint has been signing up for a Gong Show at the Bungalow in April 2025. I knew nobody in the line-up that evening, almost nobody knew me. No pressure right? That night, I went up and did my usual thing. Watched the audience have an absolute belly laugh while I looked like I was standing in front of a firing squad. Their loud affirmation marked me, a random unknown with two months of comedy experience, a first time entrant and winner of a gong show. For me, that was the greatest gift I could receive as a performer.

The second highlight is probably the time I was given the opportunity to perform at the Laurel Awards 2025. Given when I started performing comedy, I would have completely missed applying for this event but the past six months have really filled me with wonder and awe over how my life has progressed. I've become more confident on stage and in workplace meetings, feel less socially isolated, and manage my depression much better. I really enjoy comedy as a writing challenge - I'm always coming up with new material based on me as a person and my life experiences. Things I did not appreciate about myself are now noticed and I love telling people about them. My unique name and cultural background is one I frequently explore in my sets. I am working up the courage to talk more about my life in future sets when it comes to my childhood, my hobbies, why I can't sit still and my life in boarding school.

I enjoy comedy for the confidence it has given me in my stage persona - expanding on my love for fashionable clothing and experimenting with makeup to match every outfit I choose. I've met so many people from different walks of life and it's been a great pleasure to interact with them. Six months ago I never imagined. I still go to 'The Keg' once a month to try new comedy material at their music open mic, often unannounced. It is still one of my favourite gigs despite not being a traditional space for comedy. Over time I've quietly learned to command attention from a busy, talkative crowd that feels comfortable interacting with and occasionally heckling me. The loud laughter when I give a quick rejoinder to random heckles feels amazing. This unique experience gives me the confidence to perform comedy in any kind of room to all kinds of people.

Six months ago I never thought I would be a comedian, or that people actually want to listen to me, yet here I am a somewhat regular member on open spots, a finalist at a popular local awards show, and a beloved, stoic clown well recognised among regulars and visitors at 'The Keg', who’ve seen me multiple times since my first performance in February and never get tired of me.

​Stephen Hughes August 2025

Let’s Talk Driving

As a gay man hurtling towards fifty quicker than a menopausal woman's short temper, I find myself getting more and more annoyed at the little things in life. Let’s talk about driving… This month I’ve been in a relatively good mood, must be down to the HRT patches I have from top to toe, however commuting more has made me realise how frustrated I’m getting with other drivers.

Now I learned to drive in a time where someone walked in front of your car to ensure a steady 5mph speed limit and the theory test consisted of the examiner asking you to correctly identify 3 road signs and being able to read a number plate without squinting your eyes.  These days you need a degree and the hand eye co-ordination of a gaming genius to even get close to a pass.  This was meant to improve driving standards, but I’m yet to see it.  Back in the day when insurance was actually cheaper than the car you drive, you actually had to learn the highway code and follow it.  I’m not saying I’m the best driver in Scotland but pretty damn close, but some of these drivers must be ordering their driving license on deliveroo along with a pizza and bottle of cola.

The most frustrating thing recently is the guy in the big big car, obviously overcompensating for shortages in other areas finding the need to pull out faster than a virgin on their wedding night then driving slower than a pensioner driving to their own funeral.  If you are pulling out in front of me I expect you to be driving faster than Lewis Hamilton and maintaining the speed till I get to my destination.  And then the speed limit shirkers… I know 60 is the new 40 in terms of botox and facial aesthetics but not speed limits.  If you want to lose 20 go to a clinic don’t do it whilst you are driving in front of me aged 75 at peak commuter time in your Skoda Octavia and bunnet heading to Scotmid for your one well fired roll and copy of the Daily Record when I’ve got work to get to.

And don’t get me started on Tractors.  I eat fresh produce like the best of us, but do the farmers really need to be moving an empty trailer from field to field along a 60mph road at 7.30am.  I was always under the impression that farmers were up at 4:30am or earlier, go and get your breakfast and let us get to work on time. I promise I will fry your bacon, boil your eggs and air fry a steak now and again, I might even steam a stem of broccoli if you're lucky.

And white van men… That’s probably a whole other blog.

Stevie Mitchell ​

The day starts at 5am, that of course doesn’t mean I do. 

I set alarms for 5am, 5:05am, 5:10am, 5:15am…. Turning each off can wishing there was another hour in bed for me. But there isn’t. 

Another part of my brain kicks in screaming at me, “GET UP!!! Or you will fail!!!!...” 

I like to test myself, see how far I can go, how much pain I can take, discover what I am truly made of. This year I have set myself the goal of completing a marathon (Yaaaaawwwnnn – big deal Stevie. My 70yr old one legged neighbour runs marathons) A marathon in the North Pole in |October in -15 °C

Note to self: do not try to bring a polar bear back Stevie. Leave the big furry, killing machines alone. 

The motivation then is not only to achieve this, but the bigger fear is failing to accomplish what I set out to do. 

Let’s go back to the root of that for a second. I was born and raised in Castlemilk. At school I was always bright. Always top of the class or second, ginger hair, glasses. What one might call, an insufferable little prick. I was coasting school with any career I chose to follow within my grasp. Then I turned 14. The horror-mones kicked in. I realised that there were things like cool bands, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, girls and the biggest temptation….. snooker!!! I knew I was going to turn pro at snooker, so why try at school?? The truth was, deep down, I knew I was never going to be good enough but I had mentally turned off the academic path. I was now coasting through school but in a different way. The day came to open my higher results and yeah, I got a few, but poor grades and no options. No way to fix this. The reality hit like a sledgehammer. I vowed to myself that I would never fail again but not putting the effort in. I have told my kids for as many years as they could understand that whatever that attempt in life make sure you can look at the person in the mirror and be able to say, “there was nothing more I could have done.” The price of failure is high but, wait till you see the bill for regret. 

With this hardwired sergeant major screaming in my head, I get out of bed, grab my kit bag packed the previous night and drive to the gym at Glasgow university where I am an alumnus. The doors open at 6:30am and I shuffle through the doors or in the first wave of semi-conscious, but fit, zombies. I go to a side gym that nobody will be in before the classes start at 7:30am. It is then my own private gym. I start, as a former boxer, by skipping (The obligatory Rocky music at a volume that I know is destroying my eardrums – but my god, it’s soooo worth it) After that it’s whatever I feel like. Weights, HIIT training, Peloton, Cardio, boxing drills, hitting the heavy bag, whatever but, an hour alter I leave that room dripping in sweat and set up for the day. 

A shower, a protein shake and a quick drive to the office later I am sitting at my desk in the west end. 

Though I truly hampered myself in the last crucial years at school I have somehow reached a level in my career that I never thought possible. On leaving school I started an apprenticeship in the shipyards as a steelworker. Now, I am the project director for the design and build of an energy from waste plant. Gotta ask yourself; just how many people does one have to bluff to get from point A to point B? But somehow this wee boy from the scheme manged to do just that. 

The day then begins with emails, check what has happened since I last logged off. My job probably sounds a bit glam, it’s not. In the TV show the Apprentice the PM is supposed to behave like a corporate Harry Potter, creating something out of nothing with a wave of his or her wand. 

•     INCREASE-PROFIT-TERUS!!!

•     EARLY-PROJECT-END-ERUM!!!

•     ABERA-ZERO-INJURIES-KEDABERA!!!

This sadly is bullshit-eramun. Whilst I am the general moving troops and equipment to create the strategies that bring the war to an early end. I am also leading teams and teams of whinny, moaning children as my armies. Every email I get, every call, every meeting it is never about the 90%. The good things, the plans that went well. It’s about the 10%, the bad stuff, things that didn’t go well. Something is late being delivered to site, Jimmy fell and hurt his ankle, there isn’t enough room in the car park, the rolls in the canteen are rank. Yip, all of these are somehow my fault. I am accountable for everything. Therefore, all day, I am either trying to organise another period of 90% success whilst dealing with Davie crying to me that his laptop isn’t working |(FFS!!! – CALL I.T. DAVIE!!!!)

The best days I end up on site. Physically, getting out of the office and down with the bears who are building the project. I learn more about what is going on than 100 emails ever could tell me. Best of all, I get a laugh. It is like being back in the shipyard. No holds barred, we rip the pish out of each other. Yeah, sure I am in the director and at formal meetings that formality brings the requisite and expected behaviours. 

On the site, gloves off and we get ripped into each other. Not only is this great fun but it’s also fantastic for teambuilding. You get that relationship side of things right and people want to work not for, but with you. 

Once work is over the respite is a stage, a microphone and an audience. The best therapy EVER!!! 

I like to get to a gig about 30mins before. Meet the other comedians, have a chat and a catch up before the show starts. 

I tend to take myself away to run through the first few mins of my set. I am telling a story, once I am off & running the rest just flows for me. There is always a buzz hearing the MC say your name, walking to stage, shaking hands, raising the mic to your mouth and its game on….. 

Thankfully, I have had far more good nights and great audience reaction than the nightmares. But my god, I have had a few of those too. Show me a comedian who tells you that they haven’t bombed and I will show you a total liar. We ALL have. It’s part of the process. The battle scars you collect on those nights make the fantastic nights all the sweeter. 

And then, it’s home to bed. Make sure that the alarms are set for 5am, 5:05am, 5:10am, 5:15am. Coz that internal sergeant major doesn’t like to sleep in. 

The north pole marathon this year is really a win / win though. 

•     Best case scenario, I complete the 26 miles in minus -15 °C

•     Next best I run some of it before breaking down. But hey??!! Running 20mils in the north pole is still something right??

•     Worst case – I get eaten by a polar bear. They actually tell you to stay on the designated course or you could get eaten. 

o     Even THIS is a win for me. Should I get eaten by a big, fat, greedy polar bear I will do so with two middle fingers up and shouting a big Fuck You to everyone who said I would drink myself to death in the 90’s

There really is no failure in this one. 

There was an almost yogic type mantra we would use the scheme to energise and motivate ourselves for such a event like the north pole marathon. It goes like this:

FU*ING  MON WELL!!!!!!

On The Road with Patrick Rolink 

The Realities of Stand-Up on The Road

Well interestingly enough when people ask me how I got started in comedy, it was down to a guy called Jim Sullivan from Coatbridge.  I was in his house one night standing at his fireplace with him arm out telling a story and he went, ‘you should try comedy’ and I went ‘how can you do that?’ and he went there’s a comedy club in Glasgow called the Stand’.   Now I’d never heard of the Stand.  As I say Airdrie was a dessert and Jim lived in Coatbridge, that was also a dessert.  I said I’ve never heard of it and he phoned up and got me an open spot. 

So I went to 'The Stand' and did an open spot and I was so buzzing after it, I loved it so much because my fear was if I died on my backside I could talk about that for years so for me it was a fearless first gig and it went really well. 

I went home and I dreamt about it and I think 'The Stand' gave me about 20 open spots and never looked at paying me and then one weekend they offered me a full weekend and at the same time I did a wee try out for 'Jongleurs' down in  Camden.   Donna phoned me up and said ‘would you like a weekend with Jongleurs?’ and I thought 3 nights with Jongleurs where you get paid or 3 nights with 'The Stand' where you do it for nothing so I chose Jongleurs and I got 14 years with Jongleurs working all over Britain and it was absolutely fabulous. 

Then about 10 years go I noticed people were starting to go abroad and at that time I had been going to the Celtic Convention in Las Vegas and I said to them ‘why don’t I do a comedy gig?’ and they said, ‘Yeah you can’ So I put on a comedy show in Las Vegas and I took out Phil Differ and Des McLean.  I’ve taken out so many comedians and now the Celtic convention in the North American Federation were also clubs from Canada and I got friendly with them and they were saying ‘why don’t you comer to our club and do a gig?’ so I ended up doing gigs all over Canada.   

When I started going out to Canada I found out about ‘Yuk Yuk’s’ and I thought I may as well talk to 'Yuk Yuk’s' coz their like 'The Stand' in Canada, Mark Bresland is the guy’s name so I rang him up and I said look I’m coming over to do some gigs and I’d like to put a show on in 'Yuk Yuk’s'.  he said ‘what’s the deal?’ and I said we’ll take the ticket money. He said of course you can so I started taking over 2 or 3 different acts every year to Canada.  And we always stayed in Onrario with everybody, we did maybe 7 or 8 gigs in 10 days.  

I now run a gig in Airdrie Town Hall.  It's on the 16th of August and I’ve got a fabulous line up and I can only afford the budget because Gavin Webster and Mark Price are doing shows in the afternoon in Edinburgh and Phil Differ doesn’t do much in August so I’ve got a great show in August, the 16th in Airdrie Town Hall.  The last one sold out and this one will sell out.  Just as I said earlier I want to bring comedy to my home town because when I grew up in Airdrie it was a dessert in many ways to comedy. 

I didn’t even know what a comedy club was until I went into 'The Stand' one night purely by accident and got an open spot and then suddenly there’s this big world in front  of me and I just think if I can do that in Airdrie and give opportunities to young people in Airdrie to become comedians.  I had a column in the local paper and I cannae walk anywhere in Airdrie and Coatbridge without someone who knows me because I’ve stood for council, I’m a funeral celebrant as well and they’ve seen me do comedy and I just think that because somebody gave me a chance so that’s why I want to promote my gigs in Airdrie to give other people a similar chance.  

​GAMING 

​BY Euan Scarlett

​​Greetings, welcome to the August version of The Laughs of Us. Summer is traditionally a time of announcements and shows for the games industry, in the past June was always host to the now defunct major games event the E3 show in Los Angeles, now replaced by cheaper streamed events after the pandemic finally killed it off. There’s been nothing that’s grabbed my attention from this year’s streamed announcements really, Microsoft showed off the new Xbox branded ROG Ally PC handhelds, which are apparently coming in soon and will set you back an expected £600 for the basic and £800 for the X versions. They look nice enough and will let you play Xbox on any lavatory you choose when they are released, which you can actually already do if you are a Game Pass subscriber by streaming to the app on your phone. If you are a PlayStation fan, Sony’s Portal device will allow you to do the same, as long as the crapper you are using has wi-fi access. Clearly the Switch and its recently released sequel Switch 2 were designed to be played on the bog, and I’m sure plenty of Nintendo Switch 2 fans will be looking forward to playing upcoming wheelchair basketball game Drag x Drive whilst going number 1 or 2.

​​​This summer the Switch 2 has become the fastest selling console ever for Nintendo, with 5.82 million consoles sold in its first month of release according to their own figures. My first Nintendo console was the SNES which I bought at uni when my then girlfriend convinced me that it would be a good idea to spunk half my student loan on the Mario All Stars console bundle, Mario Kart, Super Star Wars and The Legend Of Zelda – A Link To The Past. And it was, to be fair, we had a major amount of fun with it and regular Mario Kart and later Unirally tournaments always brought the friends with simply the best recreational drugs to the flat. I skipped the N64 for poverty reasons but adored the Gamecube and the Wii. I also genuinely like the Wii U and there’s some belter games on it, which is why I didn’t get a Switch at the time because I’d played a lot of the early major Nintendo stuff on it already, plus I didn’t want to possibly get burned again. Might get a Switch 2 in a couple of years when they inevitably Nintendo as Nintendo do and release an updated version that doesn’t cheap out on the handheld screen. It’s good that they are dipping into the Gamecube back catalogue with their online retro offerings on the Switch 2, but I’m going to stick to playing F-Zero GX on my original GameCube using my GC Logitech Force Feedback wheel. This is the way.

​As far as actually playing games goes this month I’ve dipped into some Pinball FX on Steam which is my go-to game and which I’ll inevitably end up writing an entire one of these articles about at some point but not this month. I’ve also pumped far too many hours into Tom Clancy’s The Division 2, which as it turns out is a pretty entertaining single or co-op looter shooter and sequel until the end of the story mode, then turns into an almost totally different single player or PVP / PVE live service game with a staggering amount of gameplay totalling hundreds of possible hours worth of post game content without spending anything further. Absolutely worth the 3 quid I paid for it so I bought the Warlords of New York dlc for another couple of quid and that was great too. So I’d definitely recommend fleecing Ubisoft by picking Division 2 up in a sale. Tom Clancy continues to endorse a generally pleasing and varied series of semi-realistic future tech military themed games for Ubisoft to this day, despite his death in 2013..

​Since I hadn’t really done anything except shoot a vast number of people in the face in The Division 2’s detailed recreation of a post-apocalypse Washington DC ravaged by a weaponised flu virus, I wasn’t sure what I’d be musing about this month, then there was a spate of announcements and news surrounding upcoming adaptations of video games to movies and television shows. It was confirmed that the previously announced long in development Netflix production of Tom Clancy’s The Division, starring Jake Gylenhaal, had been shelved indefinitely, which was a shame as surprisingly I can see there was a great deal of potential in an action tv show set after an apocalypse which didn’t involve zombies or kaiju or aliens. So, let’s have a look at what’s coming to a cinema screen or streaming service near you soon, and what the potential or not of them being absolute wank like almost the entire cinematic output of notorious director Uwe Boll, who’s remarkably shit straight to video run of videogame movie adaptations in the noughties gave us piss poor versions of ‘House of the Dead’; ‘Alone in the Dark’; ‘BloodRayne’; and ‘Far Cry’.

​Uwe managed to win the coveted Golden Raspberry award for worst director in 2008 for a triumvirate of shit movies released that year, 2 of which were videogame adaptations and ironically the best two and only ones I’d recommend for any reason from his back catalogue. ‘In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale’ is a $60 million dollar swords and sorcery shitfest featuring Jason Statham as a farmer, named ‘Farmer’ who joins King Burt Reynolds’ army to fight an evil wizard, played by Ray Liotta. Support comes from dependable B-movie actors including Ron Perlman, John Rhys-Davies and Matthew Lillard. It’s still objectively shit, but worth it just for Burt being regal and Ray Liotta in a robe casting spells as Henry Hill from Goodfellas. The other movie was an outrageously offensive comedy, ‘Postal’, based on the second game in the series of controversial satirical shooters which you’ve been enjoying in the screenshots so far. It’s an absolute must if you are a fan of tasteless and offensive comedies, there’s an outstanding 9/11 sketch at the start, and the movie features sterling comic performances from Kids in the Hall’s Dave Foley and mini-me himself, the late Verne Troyer.

But getting back to the here and now – a bunch of games soon coming or potentially coming to a screen near you:

​Mortal Kombat II – The second in the rebooted movie series based on the popular fighting game is due for release in October 2025 and follows 2021’s ‘Mortal Kombat’. I was drunk when I watched the first one so I can’t remember if it was any good or not, the fights were decent I remember which is what counts, this one has Karl Urban as Johnny Cage so potential is good as Karl Urban. Though he was also in the DOOM movie with the Rock, and that was a bit wank.

The Sims – it was announced in 2024 that Barbie star Margot Robbie’s production company LuckyChap Entertainment are producing a movie based on The Sims, the series of life simulation games that is one of the biggest selling videogame series of all time, one which appeals to many female players and also which has a sizeable audience of players who do not and have not ever played another videogame. In the game the player creates virtual people and then manages their moods and desires through capitalism, and there’s a hefty amount of architecture in building a home for these Sims, and interior design in decorating it and placing their purchases. The filmmakers have expressed a desire to embrace all sorts of player memes and series lore when adapting this unconventional license, given how well Barbie turned out I think there could be definite potential in The Sims being a breakout success if handled like that.

The Legend Of Zelda – This month saw the announcement of the casting of two largely unknown actors as Link and Princess Zelda in this live-action adaptation of Nintendo’s beloved fantasy series. Let’s hope they announce a good supporting cast and that series villain Ganon is a big star hamming it up. Like Nicolas Cage. Could be good or absolute shit.

Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon – A game series about a highly classified US army division team of special forces soldiers on black ops and stealth operations is being turned into a movie by Michael Bay, which is probably a good fit for a slightly jingoistic action movie for the summer blockbuster season to be fair.

​Outrun – More Michael Bay, as Sega’s classic driving game is also coming to the big screen courtesy of the Armageddon and Bad Boys director. I’m genuinely hoping this is a high concept movie where the entire thing takes place in the Ferrari and only has the guy driving and the blonde lady passenger as characters. It won’t be though. They tried a feature length car chase movie once with Charlie Sheen where he kidnaps Kristy Swanson at the very beginning and gets into a 90 minute car chase, it’s called ‘The Chase’, and has Henry Rollins in support as a polis driving the lead polis car in the high speed chase referred to in the title, as well as Red Hot Chili Peppers band members Flea and Antony Kiedis who appear in a cameo. It was better than it should have been.

​Space Channel 5 – Another Sega classic apparently being made into a movie is rhythm game Space Channel 5, which tells the tale of an invasion of earth by aliens being thwarted by roving reporter Ulala and the power of dance. You can see some screenshots here from the attract sequence of ​Space Channel 5, Part 2, which despite me having adored the first game in the series just like pretty much everything by creator Tetsuya Mitsuguchi, who also gave us my favourite game of all time REZ, as well as the phenomenal Tetris Effect, I’ve actually not got around to playing it yet. Whilst a movie version of Space Channel 5 sounds amazing for lovers of highly choreographed dance routines, I expect it will not be a truly accurate adaptation of the game since the character of Space Michael will probably not be included, due to him featuring the likeness, voice and dance moves of deceased King of Pop and alleged nonce Michael Jackson. His inclusion may depend entirely on which audience the filmmakers want to go for, so you never know.

See you all again next month.

Patrica Highsmith (1921 - 1995)   

This month’s influencer is the novelist Patrica Highsmith (1921 - 1995)  whose morally ambiguous and psychologically complex novels explore themes  of  identity, deception, obsession, and the dark side of human nature.

Her most famous character is Tom Ripley, who first appears in The Talented Mr Ripley (1955), an orphaned expat American con man who moves to Europe, befriends another American expat but one who lives on a trust fund and enjoys the benefits of inherited wealth.  When his new friend starts to distance himself, Ripley murders him, steals his identity, forges his will to the benefit of himself, and evades justice. In a series of Ripley books our protagonist  conducts a life of outward bourgeois normalcy which is supported by a secret life of fraud, forgery and when necessary, murder.  Despite this Highsmith leads the reader to sympathise with this amoral psychopath rather than his victims.

Although Highsmith was an American writer, she was more strongly influenced by European existentialism than her native culture, she read Søren Kierkegaard in the 1940s and his themes of anxiety, alienation, and the search for meaning are prominent in her writing.  Her first novel was conceived after reading Albert Camus’s 1942 novel  L'Étranger.  She spent the latter half of her life in Europe, where about half of her 22 novels are set, and where she was more highly regarded and had better sales.  

Patricia Highsmith was born as Mary Patricia Plangman on 19 January 1921 in Fort Worth, Texas.  Her parents divorced nine days before she was born, her mother Mary had attempted to abort her by drinking turpentine. She had a troubled love-hate relationship with her mother and they were estranged for the final 20 years of Mary's life. The ‘Highsmith’ surname was acquired from her step father Stanley, whom she more straightforwardly hated and entertained “evil thoughts of murder of my stepfather”, she hoped at one time that Mary and Stanley would divorce, and felt betrayed when they reconciled.  

Highsmith grew up in rural Texas, sometimes living with her religious fanatic grandmother, and in New York with her mother and stepfather. She met her natural father Jay Plangman only twice when she was in her teens, the final time at age 17 when he showed her pornography and made incestous advances. She stated that  “I learned to live with a grievous and murderous hatred very early on” but this was sublimated into her work, and there is no evidence she ever did anything criminal herself.

The young Pat was an intelligent girl who did well academically, and as well as developing her literary interests she also had an interest in abnormal psychology which had begun at age 9 with Karl Menninger's The Human Mind (1930).  After high school she attended Barnard College in New York, an Ivy School where she mixed with daughters of the wealthy elite, to which she did not belong, and the lives of the American elite would have strong influence on many of her books. She came of age in America that was becoming both politically and culturally dominant, and also in the Manhattan borough of New York which was one of America's cultural centres.  

In addition to her dysfunctional upbringing Highsmith was also a lesbian at a time when it was classified as a mental disorder, although she made some attempts via psychoanalysis to become straight but gave up.  Her second novel The Price of Salt published in 1952 under a pseudonym was a lesbian novel, and while this was a common theme for pulp novels of the era they usual had a tragic ending, Highsmith gave her novel a highly unusual happy ending, and in Highsmith's oeuvre it is also unusual for having no violent crimes. The novel was inspired by a woman Highsmith served while working as a sales assistant in Bloomingdale's toy department, she sold the woman a few dolls, and by getting her address for the delivery, Highsmith tracked her down and stalked her a few times.  Her 1962 novel The Cry of the Owl has as its protagonist a man who spies on a woman through her window in a secluded house, something Highsmith actually did with one of her girlfriends.

Highsmith’s writing career began strongly, her first book Strangers on a Train was published in 1950 when she was 29 years old, and it was a best seller made into a film by Alfred Hitchcock in 1951, although changes were required to make it acceptable to the censor. The story is about two strangers who meet by chance on a train and a proposal to exchange murders is made, one man takes it seriously, the other thinks it a drink induced hypothetical but then finds himself with a dilemma after the other man fulfils his part of the pact, should he expose the murderer and risk implicating himself, or carry out the murder to fulfil the pact?  The novel is classic Highsmith with themes of moral ambiguity, what ordinary people are capable of depending on their circumstances, and the dark side of human psychology. She would return to these themes with many of her books.

Many of her works were adapted for film, The Talented Mr Ripley (1955) was filmed as Plein Soleil in 1960, but even the French found her morality unsettling and changed the ending.  The character of Ripley was probably Highsmith’s favourite character and she sometimes signed her name as ‘Tom’, she like Alan Delon’s portal of Ripley but was less favourable about Dennis Hopper’s Ripley in the film version of Ripley’s Game (1974)  that was released in 1977.  

By most accounts Highsmith herself was an unpleasant and dislikable person, very far from being - in today’s parlance - ‘woke’ and despite being a lesbian she was a misogynist who claimed that "a woman's stupidity, absence of imagination, her childlike, retarded cruelty, cannot be equalled in the animal kingdom". Her biographer thought her misanthropic rather than misogynistic but she thought that "Men's energies are naturally more constructive and healthy", and most of her characters were male.  Her female characters were often portrayed in a way that made them unsympathetic to the reader, such as the narcissistic wife in her third novel The Blunderer (1954) or the adulterous wife in her fifth novel Deep Water (1957).   

It is important to keep the art and the artist as separate entities, and Highsmith did keep her politics out of her writing, which was good because she was a racist and antisemite who in her later years she wrote multiple pseudonymous letters to newspapers denouncing Israel in a pre internet form of trolling. She dedicated one of her last books - People Who Knock on the Door (1983) to "the courage of the Palestinian people" and refused to allow her work to be published in Israel.  She also disliked paying taxes because she believed they subsidised the undeserving poor, but in fact she seemed to dislike everybody.  In an expression of her misanthropy she wrote "I choose to live alone because my imagination functions better when I don't have to speak with people." The last person she met before she died was her accountant. 

Patricia Highsmith died in 1995 at the age of 74 in Switzerland, an impressive age to have reached given that she was an alcoholic since her twenties who smoked 40 cigarettes a day. Her mother lived to the age of 95 year and died only 3 years before she did, and perhaps that longevity in her genes prevented a much earlier death.  

Despite 30 years passing since her death, interest in her work remains strong, she has had 3 biographies plus memoirs from those who knew her, and her books are still being adapted for film, the most recent being another Ripley adaptation, this time by Netflix.

In 1947, three years before her first novel was published, Highsmith wrote the following:

“To all the devils, lusts, passions, greeds, envies, loves, hates, strange desires, enemies ghostly and real, the army of memories, with which I do battle—may they never give me peace”.