November 2025

Donna Hope - Founder of Carluke Comedy Club 

You know they say life has a path for you - I am pretty sure mines has been been drawn by a toddler who has picked up a crayon for the first time!

As life goes on I am learning that for every plan I make - the Universe appears to laugh out loud.

2025 - was identified by me as being my year of saying YES

Was hoping it was to a dress.....but that never happened after I got dumped abruptly after a 3 year relationship. Q my eyes leaking more than a Temu tent. 

As I was flicking through Facebook trying to distract myself from heartbreak - up popped Ultra Comedy course facilitated by the fantastic Viv Gee.  F@ck it I thought - what have I got to lose.

Turns out what I learnt to lose was EXACTLY what I should have let go of many years ago - self doubt and giving a toss what people think. 

So off I trot to Glasgow once a week to hone a 5 minute set surrounded by some fantastic characters, some who have absolutely become friends for life.  I stood on that stage after 8 weeks and let go of more baggage than a baggage handler at Glesgae Airport. 

Did I set out to be a comedian - absolutely not. I set out to challenge myself and to show my son that you can do anything you put your mind to - even when times are tough.   Do I identify as a comedian - I just identify as myself cause there is no one you can be better at being than yourself. 

So I am now at the end of June and sad to have ended the journey. I did not want this journey of laughter and peer support to end so decided to start a wee local comedy club to provide open mic opportunities. 

Start of July I am again flicking through Facebook and I see The Alchemist in Edinburgh is looking for an act to cover a 1 hour slot from 1st-17th August. Remember - this is my year of saying yes so before I know it our little group is planning our Fringe debut.

We had something like 34 quid in our kitty but why let something as small as money put me off - thats what credit cards are for!!

Somehow - again I have no idea how, I managed to pull together 17 shows, with 6-8 comedians performing each day. We welcomed visiting comedians from across the world including Australia, Dubai and even Englandshire!  We adopted a wean from Derry.  Max Roddy randomly popped a post on Facebook and I was the first to reply.  He made his Fringe debut with us - but more than that we discovered we both have a passion for using comedy as a tool for healing. Not all therapies are prescribed! 

Auld Andy Burke and I are travelling to Dublin to support Max in December and Max will join us in Glasgow to make his GICF debut alongside us.

I went from planning a show to a Fringe run in 4 weeks.  How did I do it? 

Determination, passion, hope and the unwavering support from a wonderful core group who going forward will become the Committee of Carluke Comedy Club as we take our next steps to become a constituted group and follow the rest of our dreams and vision. 

We flyered ourselves every day and were delighted that by day 6/7 we were performing to full houses of 50/60 people. Our last 4 days were standing room only. 

At the end of the run we had taken enough donations to cover everyone's travel expenses and pay off the visa bill for the flyers.  This as a Club was our priority - and still remains priority.  We believe no one should be out of pocket for giving their time - as time is the most valuable gift you can give.  

For me The Fringe experience was something magical. To have been able to provide a platform for our little Club to perform was surreal. The support shown between our guys daily was heartwarming.  And the unwavering support of 4 of them when the going got tough for me personally made my heart swell. 

What does the future hold - who knows as I have no idea which curve ball the Universe is gonna throw at me next. Hopefully its a handsome man.

But seriously - If you get an opportunity grab it. And if you find people who share your values - hold onto them tight as they are like gold. As Margaret Mead once said 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Open heart, open mind, always hopeful.

SHOW REVIEW 

Megadeth October 28th

As a lifelong Megadeth fan this was a show I knew I would remember for life especially since they announced their retirement last month!  The Hydro in Glasgow was the place to be on this electric Tuesday night.  The atmosphere was strange due to the controversy by the headline band ‘Disturbed’ and due to this a lot of fans didn’t attend the gig and tickets were going mega cheap (£7) even though I paid 80 for mine!!!  I have no regrets though as the playlist was one dreams are made of!

They started with ‘Skin o my Teeth’ which was speed metal at it’s best followed by a not so fave song of mine ‘Dread' and 'The Fugitive’ and another classic ‘Hanger 18’ which the crowd went wild for!  They then played ‘She-Wolf” followed by a crowd pleaser ‘Sweating Bullets’ which again had the crowd eating out of the palm of their hands.  Their new single ‘Tipping Point’ went down well as it stuck with their core fans of thrash. 

Then another favourite of mine from the album Rust in Peace ‘Tornado of Souls’ just before ‘Peace Sells’ with which the whole audience joined in! 

All in all Megadeth didn't disappoint and an added crowd pleaser was an appearance by their mascot Vic Rattlehead who joined the band on stage!  My younger sister was lucky enough to catch Dave Mustaines plectrum which was the perfect end to a perfect hour! 

Megadeth were the support band to the headliner 'Disturbed'  but such was Megadeth's popularity there was a mass exodus of fans after they had finished their set, and I didn't stay either as I wasn't interested in seeing the main band who are greatly inferior to their exalted support act! 

​Rob Kane  

Each month (or issue) I ask a comedian questions about their comedy or life journey! It can be as little or as much information as you wish to share.

Scottish Comedian of the Year finalist and BBC Scot Squad star – Rob Kane is a veteran MC and razor sharp improvisor with 19 years of comedy experience.

In this issue of The Snigger we have a haunting from an old Taggart episode that a young Rob appeared in. Spooky.

If you have had the pleasure of working a gig with Rob as compere, you will know his audience interaction is second to none. Rob’s gift-of-the-gab skills have earned him appearances on BBC Radio Scotland’s Off The Ball with Tam Cowan & Stewart Cosgrove.

Before Covid Rob was regularly headlining and MCing the big clubs but he has noticed a difference on the scene since then, but he has a full life outside of comedy. Rob has worn many hats in terms of jobs -barber anyone – over the years (and I don’t believe after speaking with him that he will just stop trying new stuff out).

His love of football has provided him with both professional and comedy opportunities from working with mental health support in sport to corporate circuit work.

Rob is a left leaning, liberal and lifelong Rangers fan – but don’t hold that against him He is much more than a football fanatic, he is funny, open and giggles a lot during our chat showing that his mischievous take on life is also part of his personality. Rob is outspoken on some issues that he feels are important to him, his football, his opinions, where he is at in comedy. We meet in a Starbucks for a chat. Over to Rob.

Hi Rob, tell me when you got you first paid start, and a bit more about your comedy career.

Rob started out from a background in acting. Cast as the Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz in a school adaptation, his English teacher’s wife – who spotted him in the Wizard impressed her so much that she told Rob that he “…has what a young John Gordon Sinclair has but much more.” He had stage presence and was a natural performer.

Rob is from Drumchapel and still lives there. Drumchapel is known as a working-class suburb of Glasgow city, and the butt of those jokes comparing it to a place you would not want to live in or be from.

After school with some drama teaching behind him, Rob was successfully cast in a Hallowe’en episode of Taggart, called Hellfire, where he worked alongside the great Mark McManus. This was Marks second last recording before he passed away. Hellfire can still be seen on STV Player today.

Rob then joined Theatre Works and that is where he met Viv Gee and they became great pals. Viv was an experienced actor at the time, but she also spotted Rob’s stage presence and comedic timing. Viv said that she could not make Rob funny - but she could make him funnier.

This became his introduction into stand-up. Rob’s first five was given to him by Alan Anderson and he said after that it just started to “snowball from there”.

Since 2006 Rob has travelled all over the UK venues going from strength to strength as a worthy headliner, a bookable act and spiky MC. His first paid gig was with Billy Kirkwood who paid him £20 for 15 minutes and assured Rob “That won’t be the last time I pay you”.

Rob became a full-time comedian about 7 years and makes a living from it. Covid put a halt on progressing further but not one to let that hold him back he went to college, did some barbering, later tour guiding (which he loved) and still maintains his love of football through coaching a men’s semi-pro team, called Roselle.

I asked him, who or what makes you laugh the most? (this is one question, right!)

“I love relatable comedy but especially if it has a different slant on it, so for example sharp observations but unique to the person delivering it.

Is there anything you hate about comedy? Rob thinks in Scotland there is a –“glass ceiling” in that some acts can break it, some can’t. His experience has led him to see that games are played when who you hang about with is more important than your comedy.

Rob and I muse over him “hitting the big time”

“I look at some line ups at some venues and think; I am deserving of that spot and have the ability to be at that level. It makes me question some of the things I have said in the past.

Is it myself, is it my views? Is it my comedy? I don’t think so.

I have the ability to be getting the gigs, so what is holding me back?”

I like the fact that Rob has self-awareness here and is not bitter but understands his position.

But funny is funny and my advice to anyone is “just be funny”.

What is funny to you?

I like comedy that is relatable but with slant, different angle. New comedians impress me if they offer than as they look at the world differently (to me?).

Rob likes physical comedians too. I was surprised to hear that he appreciates new and upcoming acts and was not sneery about people giving it a go.

He mentions Lee Evans and from his childhood watching old black and white comedies from Harold Lloyd and the duo Abbot and Costello.

Further afield he has loved Bo Burnham and Adam Ray, who does a spoof of Dr Phil. Of course, our own Billy Connolly gets a mention as an early influence on what is funny.

Please tell us if you have any unfulfilled ambition, or anything you are trying to achieve in comedy

I ask Rob, are you happy?

His answer goes back to his cheeky nature. He answers, “What is happy? “

I say in general, are you happy.

“Happiness is a fallacy”

​Ok then, what is success to you?

“Success to me is gigging regularly. My ambition is to be touring and selling out shows. A live audience – I want to build that up. TV I am not so bothered about -but if it comes calling…...!

I am a full-time comedian and MC. I run monthly gigs in the Clyde Bar in Helensburgh, where I also do the podcast for Bring It On events.

“I don’t care what other people think of me, it is what the audience thinks that matters, and that is what I will be focussing on in the next five years.”

This is how his upcoming Glasgow Comedy Festival show will work. Rob will be doing a crowd work show at the Griffing Bar. He will be doing both a Friday and Saturday night– if you go both nights, he guarantees it won’t be the same show.

 Last question, tell me what image are you most drawn to and why?

“Travel. I love travelling. I have travelled a lot as it makes me happy but there is also that bit of missing home”. What he means by this is that he likes the escape but then can appreciate what he has at home and wants to come back to.

Rob recounts a worldwide trip he took with his then wife, starting off in Buenos Aires, Argentina and a wine tour gone wrong in the Napa Valley where the tour guide got so drunk they skipped the tour and went straight to the dinner at the end – presumably to sober the poor thing up!

His recent trips have taken him to Thailand and this year Dublin, where he snuck a couple of gigs in.

Thanks to Rob for his time, what a pleasure.

• Catch Rob at the GICF 2026 Comedy Festival at the Griffin Bar in Glasgow. - dates and ticket link to be confirmed.

• You can listen to the Clyde Bar Podcast on YouTube. Brought to you by the guys at Bring it On.

• My Stand-Up Journey 

  By Stevie Wicks​

  ​Stevie Wicks has been doing stand up comedy for nearly three years now.

  Wicksie grew up listening to audio cassettes (remember them!!!!!) and CDs of Ben Elton, Billy Connolly, Victoria Wood, Eddie Izzard and Jack Dee.

  Wicksie’s health has never been great. In the lead up to the 2022 Edinburgh Fringe, his health was particularly bad. So…… going through a tough time, lacking confidence and being a fan of stand-up comedy, he decided to give it a go – what could possibly go wrong!!!!!

  Stevie started his stand-up journey at the 2022 Edinburgh Fringe with the Laughing Horse stand-up comedy beginner course ran by the awesome Jay Sodagar. Things did not start well. While listening to Jay, Wickster realised that his top was inside out – so, his first time on stage was also his first costume change.

  Only wanting to do comedy as a hobby first, Stevie only did the odd 5-minute slot in Edinburgh. In 2023, he had to go for a very impressive cut and blow dry – to his intestines (for the third time) and have his stoma moved.

  In case you don’t know, a stoma is an opening in the tummy with part of the colon sticking out of the body. A stoma lets poop come out into a stoma bag stuck on the outside of the body……. instead of passing via the more “traditional” avenue.

  This kept him away from stand-up comedy for months – though it provided a wealth of material for gigs and comedy was crucial to his recovery.

  As you might have gathered, Stevie has a rich medical history. He has had Crohn’s disease (a nasty inflammatory bowel disease) since he was sixteen. He also has fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism – he is on the brink of chronic illness connect 4. Given his medical history, the Wickster has leaned into that with his comedy; happily discussing stomas, Crohn’s disease, the possessing of flatulence power akin to a weapon of mass destruction……… and the existence of support groups for people who have the misfortune to go into the toilet after him.

  Wicksie is also a guitarist. After not playing for years, Stevie decided to get back into playing and use it in his act. He has written ridiculous songs such as Ode to the Public Loo and Wobbly Wheel trolley – not yet generation defining music, but you never know.

  Stevie is an adult fan of Lego (or, as they are known, AFOLs) and he uses Lego in his set. He made a section of Lego intestine complete with poop, a small toilet (for a little toilet humour – it is one turd scale, if you are wondering – he calls it Rage against the Latrine). He now goes around with a Lego dog which, at various points as been Michael Canine, Dave Growl, Collie Parton and Spaniel L Jackson.

  He has a real dog at home, a cross Rottweiler/Alsatian called Bear. Over the past year, he has been trying to do more jokes and stories focussing on dogs and animals.

  Going forward, the Wickster wants to go further afield, do more (and longer) gigs, and develop more jokes and stories about Scottish history and the environment.

• ​​​Freeing The Soul 

   Richard Lala October 2025 2025

​Do babies believe in life after conception? Do they squirm, like little birds in their eggs, wondering if there’s anything more … a world beyond the womb? Do they hear their mother’s voice and think, it’s God; the all powerful protector, beyond beyond, but all around them…so near and true, but yet so seemingly far away, imagined?

Faith is a funny concept. Do we haunt in the clothes we die in? What if you die in the bath, do you just wander about with your bits flopping to and fro? Is there a light? Are the dearly departed waiting? Is there life after death? Will God be angry? A mansion for the good, a hovel for the bad? Can we eat or drink? Will we be always glad? Where angels play on golden lutes and trees bear only righteous fruits? Surely no more talk about the weather when we are graced with golden feathers?

These are the thoughts of the patient souls, trapped within skulls awaiting Death’s arrival, like passengers on a platform, watchers on the shore, listening for the splashing paddle of the Ferryman, Charon’s oar. To sail them down the river Styx, to sail them back to Heaven - preparing all their cunning tricks, should good Saint Peter question.

The key crunched against the rigor mortis-clenched teeth. The bony fingers of his majesty, Death, cunningly wedging the cold steel between the porcelain enamel, the same way one might jiggle one’s own key in a cold, stubborn lock. Turning the shank so the bit prises the incisors apart. The soul trapped within, escapes the ivory bars, only to be inhaled into the chest-cage of Death, and taken to God knows where…up or down, He’ll read your frown and deliver justice accordingly.

Do babies believe in life after conception? Do they squirm, like little birds in their eggs, wondering if there’s anything more … a world beyond the womb? Do they hear their mother’s voice and think, it’s God; the all powerful protector, beyond beyond, but all around them…so near and true, but yet so seemingly far away, imagined?

Faith is a funny concept. Do we haunt in the clothes we die in? What if you die in the bath, do you just wander about with your bits flopping to and fro? Is there a light? Are the dearly departed waiting? Is there life after death? Will God be angry? A mansion for the good, a hovel for the bad? Can we eat or drink? Will we be always glad? Where angels play on golden lutes and trees bear only righteous fruits? Surely no more talk about the weather when we are graced with golden feathers?

These are the thoughts of the patient souls, trapped within skulls awaiting Death’s arrival, like passengers on a platform, watchers on the shore, listening for the splashing paddle of the Ferryman, Charon’s oar. To sail them down the river Styx, to sail them back to Heaven - preparing all their cunning tricks, should good Saint Peter question.

The key crunched against the rigor mortis-clenched teeth. The bony fingers of his majesty, Death, cunningly wedging the cold steel between the porcelain enamel, the same way one might jiggle one’s own key in a cold, stubborn lock. Turning the shank so the bit prises the incisors apart. The soul trapped within, escapes the ivory bars, only to be inhaled into the chest-cage of Death, and taken to God knows where…up or down, He’ll read your frown and deliver justice accordingly.

On The Road with Pete Murphy  

One and done —that’s how it started, a misguided but straightforward mission statement. However, we need to rewind a little before we get to that.

In the summer of 2023, my daughter and I rode across Europe to the Harley-Davidson Anniversary in Budapest with some friends, it was the road trip of a lifetime, 14 countries in 16 days on the way home she had mentioned some pain in her side which we both put down to doing nearly 4000 miles in the saddle, when we got home it didn’t go away and 3 weeks later she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, as a family our world collapsed, time stopped. The next twelve months felt like a dream, but after the surgery and three rounds of chemo, she got to ring the bell at the Beatson centre, and she has now been clear for over a year, and I’m thankful every day for that.

Keep it light, Peter, comedy publication.

​So, I wanted to give something back to Beatson. Kaileigh (my daughter) spotted an advert for Ultra Comedy’s 8-week course — training, then a gig. I could raise money for Beatson and, selfishly, tick “done stand-up” off the bucket list. One and done.

The fantastic Viv Gee ran the course. Viv is brilliant — generous, sharp, and hilarious. Honestly, if you’re in comedy and haven’t trained with Viv, do you even comedy Bro?

I completed the course, completed the gig, and raised approximately £2,000 for Beatson. Job done! I had a blast, but I had no intention of doing more. I met Billy Kirkwood years ago through wrestling, and we remain friends to this day. We had discussed my wanting to try it, but it seemed like way too much hard work.

​ I was a professional wrestler for 15 years and retired in 2009, having main-evented a sold-out show at the Kelvin Hall, and was subsequently inducted into the Hall of Fame. I had done the road trips and the shit gigs in front of  9 folk and a dug, dodgy promoters, hours of driving for a 5-10 minute match (stop me if any of this is sounding familiar, comedy chums ) and at 55 years old, the thought of starting again as the oldest rookie in the game gave me the fear so One and done it was.

​Reading this back, it reminds me of one of my first gigs. I know the promoter is a shy, reclusive sort, so for his own anonymity, let's call him “Les”. He took me aside, told me to relax, go out there and do your stuff, remember to breathe, be aware of your time, but don’t worry about it, and most of all, enjoy it. This was word-for-word the “chat” I would have with new wrestlers on their first show as the grizzled veteran lol. I'd never been on the receiving end of the “chat” and I must admit it was good to hear, so thanks, Les. I use that mantra in my head every gig (and some date nights)

​About a month after the Ultra thing, a couple of the folks I had done ultra with were doing an open mic at Open Sauce, so my long-suffering wife and I thought we would go and show some support. Sitting at our table, I felt a tap on the shoulder, and it was Fergus, the promoter.

​“Someone’s dropped out, and a couple of the guys in the back said you might be up for doing 5?”

​Well, one more couldn’t hurt, could it?

​This is where I first met Tia Boyd, an absolute force of fucking nature, one of the kindest and most supportive people I have met in comedy, but, and I cannot stress this enough, a living, breathing nightmare if you're trapped in a car, on a 4-hour road trip to Dumfries

It went well, people laughed, nobody died, so I thought I'd try another one in the wild. I say in the wild, let me explain. Ultra is excellent; the tuition is the best you can get; the gig is fantastic, with 300 people all laughing and clapping - an amazing venue, professional lighting and sound, and the perfect environment.

​But it's not real, all the punters are there to support you or someone else on the bill, they are a tame crowd, it's like a school play or recital, no one boos a six-year-old Joseph regardless of his dream coat, and Ultra is a bit like that, it will be a while before you are back in front of 250/300 people, and sound and light can be a mixed bag from very good to a mic stand which is more Sellotape than stand, I’m looking at you Carruthers.

​I mention John as he was the one to give me my first gig in the wild, and a year later, we did a split bill at the fringe. So, when the eventual court case begins, Viv, Fergus and John  will be the ones answering the “so what was your involvement in the run-up to the events in question”

​This was in September 2024. By April 2025, I had completed my first 100 gigs. I will be around 200 by Christmas (I stopped actively counting at 100, but I do confess to checking occasionally). My GICF show sold out in 4 days, and I’ve just finished my first Fringe. I've gigged in Ireland, Boston, Belgium, and all over Scotland from Elgin to Dumfries, fuck one and done, I love it, met some great people (and some arseholes), had some adventures and have a whole new volume of road stories.

Do I consider myself a comedian? Yes, from a distance, if you squint your eyes, in poor lighting, but there's still a lot of work to be done and dues to be paid. I have an ethos that I have lived by my whole life: if you want something, do the work. Doesn’t matter if it's career, relationships, new trainers, or even a shiny new mic stand, if you want the thing, do the work.

​I'm planning on doing two shows at the GICF next year

PEOPLE: fantastic idea, poorly executed

And

 God Complex, which will be mostly improv, imagine you get to ask God one Question, you ask, I answer.

​I am, of course, in the meantime, available for bookings and tasteful nudity (if the script really needs it )

​On the whole, the Scottish comedy community are incredibly supportive and welcoming. I have tried to mention and thank as many as I can in this piece, but the list is endless. If I missed you out, I'm sorry; perhaps you weren’t as influential as you thought. Now go to your room and calm down. We will discuss this when your father comes home.

Keep up to date

Too Queer – Corset Club – 28th September 2025

Too Queer is an event held monthly at the Corset Club on Virginia Street.  the event is hosted by the enigmatic Tia Rey.  

Zaheer Sadiq was the first comedian to take the stage and regaled the audience with stories from his life as being an unmarried son of Pakistani immigrants living in a society with very different expectations from those of his parents.  

Stevie Mitchell took the audience back to the 1980s with stories of when he was an apprentice in Glasgow and when HR departments were not as 'woke' as they are now.  

​​​Hitesh Rathore was up third and his unique style fused clever wordplay with relatable anecdotes, giving his comedic perspective on life in Scotland working in a stereotypical IT job with diversions to nightlife in Dundee and encounters with the denizens of that city. 

​​Vanessa Correia was the penultimate act and like Hitesh is a newcomer from India, however her background is Catholic Christian and therefore is not bound by the rules of the Hindu majority and her comedy draws on the different attitudes to beef coming from a country where cows are sacred. 

​The show was headlined by Liam Farrelly, a young up and coming Scottish comedian from Paisley who is now 4 years into his comedy career.  His comedy draws on being a very young parent which isn't typical for someone his age and contrasts himself with his childless peers and their very different lives.  

The audience received all the acts enthusiastically and helped to make the show a great success!   

​Arthur Schopenhauer 

This month’s influencer is the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer whose pessimistic philosophy was among the first in the Western tradition to share and affirm significant tenets of ancient Indian philosophy, such as asceticism, denial of the self, and the notion of the world-as-appearance.

As a student of philosophy Schopenhauer read Plato, Aristotle and Kant, as any student of philosophy would, but in 1814 he read the Latin translation of the Upanishads, a collection of sacred Hindu texts that were largely unknown in Europe and form the philosophical core of the Vedas (composed between 800 and 500 BC), they are known as Vedanta (the end of the Vedas) and explore concepts like Brahman (ultimate reality), and Atman (the self). He wrote that “In the whole world there is no study so beneficial and so elevating as that of the Upanishads. It has been the solace of my life, it will be the solace of my death” and called them “the production of the highest human wisdom".

Shopenhauer’s magnum opus is Die Welt als Wille und Vorstellung (1818), usually translated as either The World as Will and Representation, or The World as Will and Idea. His philosophy posits that the universe is driven by a metaphysical force that he termed “Wille zum leben” (will to life) that all living creatures are subject to and is the source of suffering and struggle in life, but for humans it is far worse because of our greater self awareness. 

Arthur Schopenhauer was born on 22 February 1788 the son of a wealthy merchant, his father died when he was Arthur was 17 years old and left his son a large inheritance which allowed him to live independently and devote himself to philosophy.  

This was fortunate because Schopenhauer’s work was largely unappreciated until the last decade of his life, European philosophy was then dominated by the Idealism of Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel which Schopenhauer called "senseless sham wisdom" and "mind-destroying", and he regarded Hegel as a “flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan”.

Recognition did not arrive until the 1850s by which time Schopenhauer was in his sixties, and he died peacefully in 1860 at the age of 72 in Frankfurt  am Main.

Although Schopenhauer believed that life was unrelentingly awful, he did offer a few methods of coping with it. Have low expectations, especially for wealth or status, and focus on avoiding pain and misfortune. Cultivate your mind and personality, as these are the only things fully within your control and not subject to external misfortune. Accept misfortunes as an inevitable part of existence and learn from them. Avoid other people as they cause stress and unhappiness. Limit desires as they are illusory and pursuit leads to boredom and frustration. Stay healthy both mentally and physically.

I will end with this quotation from Schopenhauer:

“There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy... So long as we persist in this inborn error... the world seems to us full of contradictions. For at every step, in things great and small, we are bound to experience that the world and life are certainly not arranged for the purpose of maintaining a happy existence... hence the countenances of almost all elderly persons wear the expression of what is called disappointment.”

Pet of the month! Aimée Hinds 

Ralph 

This is Ralph

He likes to eat as much food as possible and doesn’t care if the other two don’t get enough. this is why he’s fat. He’s doesn’t care, He thinks he’s biggie smalls.

He likes to pish carpets and occasionally work tops and encourages his own pet (also a cat) to do the same.

He likes to steal socks and hide them. 

He likes to fight his arch nemesis, Who is also a black cat. There’s a regular bloods vs crips gang fight out the backdoor. 

He loooves people and doesn’t know the meaning of personal space. 

He likes cuddles on demand and won’t stop pawing you til he gets his way. 

He likes to wake his mother up every morning by gently placing one razor sharp claw up her right nostril and expanding the claw til she feels pain. He’s ever so gentle when inflicting this pain though. 

He doesn’t like being told what to do. 

He doesn’t like being given into trouble. (See photo) 

he doesn’t like it if you’re not cuddling him how he feels he should be cuddled and will claw at you until you move into a position he approves of. 

He doesn’t like not getting the attention he thinks he deserves. 

He doesn’t like missing any drama in the street and makes sure he bolts to the window when he hears it.

​Dear Cosmic Cathy,

Can your cards tell me if I'm going to be famous? From WannaWorldTour, Paisley. 

Dear WannaWorldTour,

while meditating on your question, I've drawn the Two of Swords, reversed. This card is a card of maybe, neither yes, nor no, or maybe both. I'll be honest with you, right now I could probably give a better prediction if I saw you perform, but I only have my cards so will have to go with their opinion, let's hope they have a sense of humour! What I can tell you is that in a reverse position, this card is saying you're getting in your own way with a creative disagreement. Do you REALLY want to be famous or do you just want lots of money or travel or retweets? Think hard and be honest about why you want to be famous, then when you have that answer, write to me again with a better question! 

Dear Cosmic Cathy,

how can I cure my stage-fright? I love writing jokes, I believe I'm funny and I so desperately want to be a comedian, but every time I get on stage I feel like I'm going to pee or puke from fear and fail miserably. From Petrified-Performer, Peterhead. 

Dear Petrified-Performer,

I've drawn The King of Cups for you, a card conveying power, energy, passion and commitment, all the things a good performer needs. Unfortunately, I've drawn him in the reversed position which often represents self-pity and low self-esteem. Ask yourself why you're feeling this way, if you know the jokes are funny, then own them! Audiences don't want you to fail, they want to laugh, give them what they want. In short; man-up, put on your big girl panties and remember that the spotlight is on your jokes, not you! 

Dear Cosmic-Cathy,

I have a tendency to lose my voice at this time of year and I'm worried as I have a big comedy show next week. Unfortunately to make things worse, my show follows a weekend of shouting at my football team and a karaoke sing-off competition. Hoarse-Horrace, Hawick. 

Before I draw a card Hoarse-Horace, may I just wonder as to why you're putting yourself in this situation? Couldn't you maybe politely clap or buy one of those old fashioned rattles for the match instead of yelling like a lunatic? No? OK let's see what the cards have to say… Oh-oh! Death! Don't worry, you're not going to die, well you are, one day, but probably not on stage next week. However, this card suggests the end of something in order that something new may take its place. Maybe it's time to give up the karaoke and be reborn as a comedian, or switch your football allegiance to a team that scores even if you don't stand screaming at them through the telly! 

Dear Cosmic Cathy,

I'm a character comedian and wear a custom made costume when I perform. Unfortunately I've over-indulged in the Halloween choccies and no longer fit into my suit! Please help! From I-Ate-All-The-Pies, Ecclefechan. 

Dear I-Ate-All-The-Pies, I'm guessing you've tried breathing in while two friends wrestle with your zip? OK. I've drawn The Emperor, a strong and powerful card representing masculinity and self-control. However as you've demonstrated you have no self-control when there's sweeties about, perhaps we should take him literally. Like the emperor in the story, I think you should just turn up to the show in your birthday suit and convince the audience you're wearing a fabulous costume. Anyone who cannot see how amazing you look obviously hasn't got a sense of humour. 

Please send in your problems, big or small for next month’s Cosmic Cathy column. 

Disclaimer: Cosmic Cathy can only take credit for positives that come from your reading, she cannot be implemented in personal catastrophes, court cases or your divorce.