April 2026

Kat Powell – “Keep being funny”.

Kat Powell is a comedian from Bridge of Weir but spends her time zooming all over the place for work or gigging. Kat lives with her fiancé, Craig and doggo Sammy – a Staffy-Collie cross. We meet at a fancy secret location – my flat in deepest darkest West Dunbartonshire.

Kat is hot off the back of her sold out solo Glasgow Comedy Festival show “Why Am I Like This” (WAILT), a deep dive into the psyche of an “irredeemable emo kid and the maniacs who raised her.” The show is a cleverly choreographed mash up of her youthful religious guilt, insatiable lust, and a mouth that won’t shut, but who was to blame?

In two words: Kat’s mum.

Kat’s mum - Mrs Maureen Powell – is the inspiration for her show, but more poignant than that is the fact that mum Maureen is the reason Kat does comedy in the first place.

Maureen sadly passed away in 2023.Kat was by her mother’s side throughout her illness. At the very end, she was there too.

“The last words my mum said to me were: Keep being funny.”

“My mum was a hard woman to please so for her to say that I was funny was just crazy. And it still gets me now.

“For my entire life, I only ever heard her say my dad and my brother weren’t funny. I just assumed I wasn’t either. Finding out that I was — right at the end — changed everything.

“I do still get insecure (about being funny) but when the most important person in your world tells you are funny it is so fundamental that you cannot ignore it. She would be so impressed that I went and done it. She would hate what I say though!”

For Kat, this was powelful (see what I did there) validation and love from her mum in her last hours prompted Kat to think hard about those words and sometime later, led her to sign up for a popular comedy course; “I signed up for the Ultra Comedy course – and then sucked for a year!” Kat laughs when she says this but with a bit of pride in there too. Kat kept going.

Who are you on the stage then?

“Viv Gee told me that I have soft exterior but I say twisted stuff. Mentally I am quite dark, I have a goofy dad and an outrageous mum, a witty brother and I am Scottish, so it has been fun.

“I write for myself, but Alan (Jay) who is a good comedy pal is a great soundboard to help make those comedic connections. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t. It is ok to help each other.

“I formed a true friendship with Alan through stand -up. The first time I saw him I first met him at a competition. I’m thinking, oh yeah, I am in the top three people in the comp. I thought I was a shoo-in but then Alan went on, and he was – just incredible. That was stand-up to me.”

Do you have any other comedy influences?

“I would say Robin Williams, George Carlin and Joan Rivers – all American, but as Brits go, it was Russell Howard who made me think that I wanted to do stand-up.

“But I did nothing, for about 15 years. Back then, I used to think I was the funny friend but never saw myself as the funny one. So I did nothing. And then it was brought back to me when my mum died.

“When I started stand-up, I initially did a lot of political stuff, but when I found my voice, my material got stronger and more personal – I am empathetic and emotional so I think that impacted on my sets.

“In my show, for example I pretend to scream at an ant I find on my worktop. I use my acting skills and go mad – it is scary and is a risk, but good that you have taken that.”

Are you enjoying the comedy circuit?

“I find that the circuit recently has been a bit strange but now I have been in it a bit, I see the ebb and flow in performing. There was a scarcity of open mic nights but that seems to have changed with a lot more on offer.

“That said, for some promoters, we are not tokens to fill a spot for the promoters balance we are there in our own right; we need women, queer, ethnic diversity acts and that if you want a diverse, engaged audience, then you need a diverse cast.”

This echoes many conversations I have had with comics so it is not a new thing for Kat to chime in on a somewhat cliquey and exclusionary mostly white male circuit.

Where are you now with your comedy career and are you happy?

“My show is now a show, and it is working well. The crowd worked with the flow of the bits and it is in good shape. While I would love to do the Fringe for a month, I am getting married soon, and the possibility of having a family to follow, I have a busy fiancé and a dug (Sammy) so at this moment it wouldn’t work.

“I came off stage after my show and I said to my dad that that was stand-up and the best I felt, so yes, I am happy.”

Is touring the show a compromise against the concentrated month at Edinburgh?

“Yes definitely. I feel the show can speak to a lot of people. I will take it to the Women in Comedy Festival in Manchester again as I did last year. The goal ultimately is to get my name out there and build an audience.”

Do you have anything to promote at the moment?

“Yes, I am a graphic designer and video editor by day, so if anyone needs any social media posts, brochures, flyers or personal art – I can draw your dog – please get in touch via @canvasartcreative or just message at me at Kat Powell Comedy.

We need to finish – Kat is on a journey to Perth and needs to shoot. But not before another insight into her life is revealed.

“The image I look to is the Solar system. I have a solar system projector in my room with different projections. I had bad eyesight for a long time and could only see fuzziness until I got my specs, so the projector gives me that feeling of sleeping under the stars. Also, me and Craig are really into astrophysics and we can fall asleep listening to Neil DeGrasse Tyson,” she says. “Looking up now, I can clearly see the stars. I missed that for years.”

It feels fitting to end here with Kat— someone who lost their centre finding comfort in something infinite.

My Stand-Up Journey 

By Russell Woodward 

My first taste of stand up was in 1986 at Butlins Bognor Regis. I had always wanted to try it and to my surprise  it went very well.

I have performed all over the UK, Eire, Spain and Malta. I personally find that audiences differ not by area but by venue. Holiday audiences, holiday camps, caravan parks and hotels abroad are reasonably easy to entertain as they are generally in the holiday spirit. The only thing to watch is the material used, especially in the holiday parks where there is going to be the chance of children being in the venue, regardless of the time. There I tend to tell silly gays, "Scientists crossed the DNA of a crab with a Cheatah. Things went sideways very quickly." That sort of thing works so well in these venues where I tend to do puns and one liners.

Social clubs are very different. The audiences are generally open to more adult material although I don't tend to do very blue material.  The hardest gigs for me is when I do cabaret or variety style shows. Sometimes I have been the only comic in a line up of 15 acts.  That can be really hard to win over an audience in that case.

Social clubs are different again, usually a singer doing an hour then me for an hour and a singer or group finishing off.

I have never found that audiences in different parts of the country have different humour. I personally find it doesn't matter where I am, the audiences are the same. My favourite audience is a mixed age, from 18 to 80 then my gags tend to land with some of the audience and the laughter is there hopefully constantly.

This is all my humble opinion.

Happy New Year To All The “Fools” 

Richard Lala April 2026 

What’s the best April Fools joke you can recall? I remember one year my Mum, always eager to play a trick, recorded the National Lottery programme…and the next week, having purchased a ticket with last week’s winning numbers, sat back and watched my Dad jumping about with such ecstatic excitement he actually wet himself! You can imagine his face when the truth was dream-crushingly revealed. Hysterical as these hi-jinx are, the most intriguing question is, where did this curious tradition come from? 

As April 1st [2026] fast approaches, I am drawn towards the hidden truths of our history. April was long considered the start of the year. I am given confidence that Nature herself confirms that the year truly begins with April. The fresh life of the new Spring Lamb heralded by the Zodiac of Aries, that constellation of new life and pioneering beginnings. April is indeed the natural start of the year, this is obvious in Nature, and obvious in the Heavens, so why on Earth did it all change…and who changed it? 

Uncovering the fragments of our altered past and piecing them cohesively together is no obvious task, but if we listen to our intuition and hear the ancestral memory still coursing through the DNA of our blood, we can hear the echoing truth of our distant past speaking deeply within us. 

Of course, we’re not just going to rely on instinct, we are going to siphon through the historical accounts to find record of the change. To do this we look back to the Ancient Romans, but first let’s glance at the fifteen hundreds, 1582 to be precise, when Pope Gregory XIII introduced the Gregorian calendar. 

Due to its association with Rome, the Church considered, January 1st, a “Pagan” date. So, in 567 AD the Church moved New Year’s Day to Christmas Day. In France, the Council of Tours (medieval Roman Catholic bishops and abbots, responsible for clerical reform and theological doctrine) deemed the Roman dating system, outdated, stating that the Julian Calendar, upon which the Liturgical Church tables were based, had a discrepancy of 11 mins and 14 seconds each year. This led to Pope Gregory the Thirteenth introducing his new, Gregorian Calendar. 

Now, this is where it gets technical, so bear with me. It was concluded that the calendar would be revised by eliminating ten days. Keeping the leap day every four years. This adjustment meant that there would be no leap year in years divisible by 100 unless they were also divisible by 400. The new calendar, however, saw the New Year’s Day returned to Emperor Julius Caesar’s original, January 1st date. 

So with all their tampering and adjusting, they ended up back where they started! Meanwhile, the oldest practiced religion to date, Hinduism, following the lunisolar calendar, recognises its New Year in April, and gives honour to the season’s natural energy of renewal and agricultural prosperity. 

Celebrating the natural path of the Spring Equinox seems wholly logical, just ask any Witch and they’ll tell you, the key focus of this ancient, midway festival between Winter and Summer, decay and flourish, is Rebirth and New Beginnings…all, I think you’ll agree, are better associated with the new year!  

Fresh Lamb or not, France, recoiling at Mother Nature’s balanced logic, arrogantly transferred the Christian world over to the Gregorian Calendar, binding New Year’s Day evermore to January 1st. Meaning, of course, that our New Year always starts in the dismal darkness of bleak midwinter. Talk about setting off on the back foot every year! What kind of traumatic start is this? Born in the month of Death, December is no place for the year’s rebirth, but fearing the Church’s torturous wrath, many were reluctant to raise their voice in question or defiance. 

This is where the story gets socially interesting because those who refused to acknowledge the date change, and continued to celebrate April 1st as New Year’s Day, were ridiculed, becoming the butt of jokes and hoaxes, and were all tarred with the new derogatory term, ‘April Fools’. Pranks such as having paper fish stuck to their backs, and called “Poisson d’avrill” (April Fish) in reference to gullible people being akin to the young, naive, easily caught fish. 

If you ask AI you will hear that, originally there was a thirteen month calendar, aligning with the thirteen moon phases. Thirteen cycles of 28 days making 364 days with one day out of time. It was the Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar, in 46 BCE, who replaced that Lunar Calendar with the Solar ‘Julian Calendar’ and then in 1582, as aforementioned, the Gregorian Calendar replaced that. These changes moved people out of alignment with the sacred harmony of nature and into an altered sequence of mechanical, unnatural time. Shifting our experience from one flowing in harmony with the Divine Lunar phases, to an industrial (tick-tock) capturing of time, hiding the balanced spiral of moon phase cycles behind an illusion of manufactured time. 

The question is why did they remove us from synchronicity with the phases of the divine feminine moon? What was the purpose of weakening us with unnatural rhythms? The word ‘month’ actually derives from the word ‘moon’. Google states: “The word "month" originates from the Old English mōnaþ, which comes from Proto-Germanic mēnōþs, both ultimately sharing a root with the word "moon" (mēnô). This reflects the ancient use of lunar cycles to measure time.” So, instead of being fully reliant on the dictates of the calendar, perhaps we should, instead, listen to our body’s intuition and try to get back into the instinctual rhythm of the natural moon cycles? 

I feel confident accepting the moon as our natural guide to time, but our sacred ‘night light’ is not the only guide. Our ancestors observed the natural rhythms of the cyclical seasons, those four changes that tell us the most about time’s procession. From the Spring baby, to the Summer King, walking on sticks in the Autumn, and dying in the Winter. These ancestral ways of looking at time illustrate much, but our ancient brethren also looked to the fish and animals for knowledge of time’s flow; everything from the migrating birds to the hibernating bees. Countless creatures have helped mankind observe and keep track of time, but arguably none more assuredly than the “natural timekeepers” themselves…the Turtles, said to be the living embodiment of time itself. 

The fossil records suggest Turtles to be millions of years old. It seems they have inspired Man from the beginning. Ancient peoples envisioned the earth to be a disc balanced on the back of a great Turtle swimming through the waves of the cosmos. 

What a curious and clever choice of metaphor, simulating the passage of time in such a way as to make perfect sense to those with mind to see it. To understand this you must know that the Turtle shell is comprised of thirteen large plates (scutes), one for each full-moon phase, and twenty-eight smaller sections, like a frill around the trim of the shell’s circumference. These represent the days of the Lunar cycle, the phase of wax and wane between each full-lumination. A complete lunar calendar patterned onto every shell. Perhaps the Turtle’s head represents that one extra day…sticking out, contrary…like April’s clever Fool’s Day? 

A Day in the Life 

John Purves ​

​​​It is performance day…

I am up in the morning unreasonably early.

Maybe because I am a rooster (Chinese horoscope!) – or a cock!

I start the day with meditation – if I begin the day with peace in my heart I will feel more centred and calm through the day ahead.

If I am working it is a welcome distraction – but I allow myself a brief worry during breaks and at lunch.

My set is prepared – I usually decide what I’m going to do some time ahead of the actual gig.

I am pretty scripted – I know that’s not for everyone, but it works for me.

I am not spontaneous!

Not even close.

If I’m at gig as audience and you ask to perform I will invariably say no… I need to be in the right headspace.

On a few occasions I have MC’d – I am very aware that is not my thing!

If MC’ing, I really need a list of audience members’ email addresses ahead of the show. 

Heckle me, and in a couple of days I’ll send you a spectacularly clever response!

The time of the show approaches.

I arrive unreasonably early. 

Maybe because I am a rooster (Chinese horoscope!) – or a cock!

I like not to be rushed – and to have time to acclimatise to the room.

I’ll usually check the practicalities – I am not the most coordinated, and I really don’t want my biggest laugh to come from my falling over!!!

Please don’t be offended if we have performed together before (and are friends on Facebook!) and I stare at you blankly…

I have a thing called prosopagnosia…

It’s not an illness or anything like that – I just don’t recognise people physically. Even if I know you well!

Sometimes I recognise someone, often because of context or by guesswork, but usually I will have no idea who you are until we start talking.

Before a gig I tend to zone out, I need to be focussed – so apologies if you’ve tried to have a conversation with me and I have been less than forthcoming.

I am so looking forward to this!

But now anxiety kicks in…

Does this never get any easier?

(For me… no!)

I wrestle with imposter syndrome.

I am introduced onto the stage…

Adrenalin kicks in, I relax – and enjoy the experience.

I love audiences – although I’m sure there is a PhD to be had in the psychology of audiences! (Maybe one day…)

I really enjoy listening to everyone else… but if you ever look at me during your act, I apologise: I have Resting Bitch Face!!!

I would hate to have me in an audience!

I seldom laugh out loud even when I am totally enjoying it!

I love being part of a team of comedians at any given show.

I may not always say it – too caught up in my own comedy headspace – but I really value performing with you. 

Your support means so much and I love the camaraderie we share at a gig.

And so, another gig done.

Inevitable post-gig (over-) analysis (and hopefully not too many post-mortems), then we go again!

On The Road with Al Thomson 

September 21, 2021. Lockdown had just ended and I took to the stage for the first time. Not sure what to expect, not sure what I was doing, but what did I have to lose? 

It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, I was always the funny one in my friend group, but didn’t think I could transfer that over to a stage.

Junkyard was always one of the best places for supporting new acts and I was able to get a 10 minute slot there. I went up with a book of jokes and hoped I would at least get some laughs and it seemed to go quite well.

I was going to say I’ve never looked back since, but this would be a lie.

I’ve had some rough gigs from then till today and actually gave it up for 6 months and wasn’t sure about coming back at all. 

I have a family and they obviously come first. We had just had our youngest daughter and I had to make the choice to sleep at some point, rather than be on stage.

I spoke to some friends about it and started to write again after that 6 months and realized I wasn’t quite done with it yet. 

Now I can say, I haven’t looked back since.

I have managed to get some big gigs with Milton Jones, Des McLean to name a few. 

Having taken that slight break has lit a fire and the only way is up. I’m loving every minute of it, but I’ve done it at my own pace.

So it’s really a bit of advice for anyone out there doing this. Everyone’s road is different and there’s no rush to get to where you want to be. 

Do the gigs. Make mistakes. Enjoy yourself.

GAMING 

​BY Euan Scarlett

​​​​It’s April already, and in case that doesn’t make you worry about how quickly time passes, and make you feel old, it’s also twenty-five years since the Gorillaz first exploded onto the music scene with their self-titled debut album, Gorillaz, and we all nodded along collectively and declared that we ain’t happy, we’re feeling glad.

 Before I continue with the usual miserabilist take on the current state of videogames and off-tangent meanderings that you’re all so excited for every month, I do want to start on a bit more of a serious note this month and point you all in the direction of some local Glasgow folks who are looking for some support:

 R-Cade are an independent local business based in Saltmarket in Glasgow, which is a short walk towards the Barras from the pedestrianised bit of Argyle Street via the appropriately named Trongate. Their Retro Café and Console Arcade offers a way for visitors to play thousands of retro videogames on the original hardware and using the CRT screens of the time, as well as providing access to hundreds of boardgames and tabletop games which can also be played. Their website provides much more information about how the space they offer provides much more than that to those who use it than I can cover here, but on a personal note I can’t begin to say how important it is that we have places that can provide this type of hands on experience with the historical hardware which can place the classic games and the experience into context for younger, newer players as well as providing the nostalgia burst for those older players.

Unfortunately like a lot of small businesses at the moment they are getting kicked in the baws a bit by a combination of everything and the world going to shit, and it is possible we could lose this unique and cool thing that offers something different to the people of Glasgowtown because not enough people know about it and use it. One of things the comedy community is doing to help is supporting a new monthly fundraiser event mixing live comedy and gaming, ‘Finnish Ham Comedy’, where you can enjoy an evening of live comedy performances and join the ‘Crowd vs Comic’ gaming challenge. This month (April 2026) is headlined by the always brilliant Billy Kirkwood, is hosted by CJ Quigley, and co-incidentally features three of my favourite up and coming acts: Dominique Barclay; Scott Morrison, and of course, Australia’s Number 1 Impressionist, the incomparable RayJack Johnson, amongst the lineup.

If that sounds like your cup of the old chai, then tickets are £15 of your Earth pounds with all proceeds going directly to the venue, and more information can be found at the link below.

https://www.rcadeglasgow.com/finnish-ham-comedy-night-18?referral=service_list_widget&location=47c90483-14eb-4ec3-b17b-0d909f8df850

Anyone else looking to help can also check the R-Cade website for more details.

That being out the way, back to this month’s report from the world of games and fun.

​Chuck Norris died. Well, what actually happened is that Chuck Norris levelled up, he literally said so in one of his last social media messages on his birthday. Death got a visit from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is off for a rematch with Bruce Lee. Mon the Chuck. All of the Chuck Norris obituaries were saying his last on-screen appearance was in 2012’s ‘The Expendables 2’, the second part of Stallone’s ‘Circle Jerk Trilogy’, but this ignores a 2020 guest appearance in an episode of the rebooted version of ‘Hawaii Five-0’, as well as 2024 straight-to-streaming shitfest ‘Agent Recon’. Written, directed, produced by and starring some guy called Derek Ting, and currently rocking a 2.4/10 on IMDB, this appears to be a sequel to 2021’s ‘Agent Revelation’, from the same team. This second part of Ting’s ‘Agent’ franchise unfortunately seems to have encountered the familiar problem, which sinks many sequels, of part two going all in, with big stars getting added to the franchise, in this case Chuck Norris as ‘Alastair’, and Donovan from V himself, ‘The Beastmaster’ Marc Singer, as ‘Colonel Green’, but not being as popular as the first movie, which at the time of writing in comparison has an IMDB score of 3.5/10.

​They also ignore that Chuck has another movie due out posthumously, the intriguingly-titled ‘Zombie Plane’, which is due out in 2027, and according to Wikipedia, this upcoming epic also stars world famous Queen fan and ex-plaything of Madonna, 90s Rap superstar Vanilla Ice, the proto-Eminem. The plot description is as follows:

‘Undercover agent Vanilla Ice, who trained under Commander Chuck Norris, uses his skill set to dispatch a plane overrun by the undead before fighter jets can neutralise it to save humanity from a zombie outbreak’

Well I don’t know about you, but they had me at ‘Undercover agent Vanilla Ice’ to be honest about it, and the Chuck Norris and zombies are just gravy. Also there’s actually a videogame related point to this because before I actually did my due diligence and researched this properly, I thought that Chuck Norris’s actual last on-screen appearance was in the 2023 FPS videogame (first-person shooter, remember, non-videogamers?!) ‘Crime Boss – Rockay City’, which co-incidentally also features world famous Queen fan and ex-plaything of Madonna, 90s Rap superstar Vanilla Ice, the proto-Eminem, as well as a host of other familiar faces amongst the cast, including Danny Trejo; Kim Basinger; Danny Glover; Michael Rooker; and late ‘Mr Blonde’ actor Michael Madsen, who takes the lead role as the boss of the player controlled gang in the single player portion of the game. Whilst the game garnered mixed or negative reviews on original release, and by all likelihood was probably legitimately shit, missing a number of features, lacking content and full of bugs, the developers have stuck with it and continually updated it over time and weathered the negativity and got it into a good enough shape that I’ve somehow managed to get over 100 hours of entertainment from it.

​If I was to hazard a guess, a huge amount of the initial budget was spunked on hiring the cast of 90s A-listers / 2020s were-listers to voice it and allow their likenesses to be used and apparently after their deaths also. The game was pretty rough at launch and probably would have benefitted from early access but got absolutely kicked when it came out, and I only tried it when it was on a free play weekend on Xbox and I was drunk and bored and enticed by the cast of familiar faces. I can’t remember when that was, but I enjoyed the hell out of what was there at the time but that was also a bit basic. But the stuff I did like remains the core of the game, it’s just been really well developed since the initial encounter and continues to get regular free content updates on top of mostly cosmetic dlc, and I am in the mood for championing the underdog at the moment despite the fact the game is still a bit rough around the edges.

​Crime Boss – Rockay City sends the player back to the 90s, where gangster Michael Madsen bumps off the local cartel godfather in Rockay City, a fictional US coastal city which is an almost-surrogate for the Miami depicted in Scarface and legendary 80s cop show Miami Vice, sparking off the gang war which serves as the games plot and informs the player goals. Clearly inspired by the similar and extremely popular ‘Payday’ series, the core gameplay has players in teams of 4 cast as members of a criminal gang, players then plan and embark on various heists, break-ins and robberies with the goal of exiting the level with as much loot and as little heat from the polis as possible. Crimes on offer range from the likes of simple cash robbery from gas stations; daytime jewel store heists and office safecracking to elaborate multi-stage high-security bank robberies and armoured car jobs that turn out to be polis set-ups and result in running gun battles with armed SWAT teams during the escape that echo those in Michael Mann’s ‘Heat’. The single biggest difference between Payday and Crime Boss is that Payday is a primarily multiplayer game that can also be played offline with computer controlled bots making up the other 3 members of your gang, whereas Crime Boss is primarily a single player game that also boasts multiplayer modes which can be played co-operatively.

​The main single player mode in Crime Boss is a rogue-like strategy game that has you managing Michael Madsen’s criminal empire and attempting to take over control of all the crime in Rockay City before the polis investigation into your nefarious activities reaches 100% and Sherriff Chuck Norris comes to get you. The territorial layout map of the city is always the same but your starting territory and that of any rival gangs is randomised, save for one corporate gang always being located at their corporate head office, and Danny Trejo’s gang always controlling most of the lucrative city center already since he takes over the cartel that formerly ran the city. Vanilla Ice and his gang of party-boy Eccie dealers always start as the player’s initial enemy and you are already at war with him, but other gangs can be negotiated with under the right circumstances if unprovoked or will not become aggressive unless the plot demands. Each player turn represents a day, and at the end of each day the Chuck Norris is coming meter is increased depending on what happened and how that day. On any given day, you can bolster your gang by hiring a number of new gang members based on your current gangsta standing and cashflow: gangstas are used to take over new territory and to defend your occupied territory from enemy attack. Each territory controlled provides a monetary or loot income or both, and increasing territory and loot and gangstas means increasing influence which means more gang and territory and yada yada. If the territory is not currently controlled you just need enough gangstas and money to take it, if it is occupied you are told how well it is defended and how well armed the defenders are and you can decide how many guys to send to take it over.

​There will also be a random selection of heists and stuff to do each day for cash or loot to fund your goals, and you select up to four team members from your crew to undertake these missions. You always have Michael Madsen as an option, and a random selection of other senior gang members with varying skills and toolsets, you equip them up from your existing armoury or by using funds to buy new weapons from the catalogue, and then you play through that mission. You can switch between characters at will in single player and can give the computer guys basic orders, and whilst they aren’t exactly the brightest criminal experts if left to their own devices and often liked to run into a hail of gunfire to pick up a dropped loot-filled holdall, I can attest that they’ve been getting better at self-preservation, but were always absolutely fine when you understood their limitations and how they worked with the game’s ruleset, and can issue the correct orders and use them properly. I’ve stealthed every scenario in the game using bots in single player. Which is really great to be able to do, the jobs on the map do indicate the likelihood of how ‘loud’ the particular heist may be, and at the end of the day, the Chuck Norris is coming meter will go up slower if you act like a responsible and professional criminal and try to commit the crime with the minimum amount of collateral damage and unwanted popo attention – although you do have a single button press for pulling out your gun and shouting ‘All right everybody be cool this is a robbery! Any of you fucking pricks move and I’ll execute every motherfucking last one of you!’ or something along those lines. At which point all the bots also start pulling out guns, pistol whipping guards and hostages and ziptieing them. Which is nice.

​If the Chuck Norris meter hits above 100% you get a warning that Sheriff Chuck is on the way and a final mission in which Chuck Norris and the popo ambush your escape vehicle and you get a chance to grab what you can from the loot you’ve made spilling out the wrecked SUV and escape from Chuck Norris and his infinite army of heavily armed polis. Which is nigh on impossible, so you die. Then Chuck Norris taunts you and dares you to get better, and you start again, but with all the levels, weapons and perks you have unlocked already, so you get a bit further and it takes Chuck Norris longer to get you. Permanent perks for future runs are unlocked by paying Kim Basinger to decorate your office, or by levelling up Michael Madsen. Eventually, you will beat Chuck Norris, and get to witness his disappointment, frustration and anger. This is adequate reward and beating Chuck Norris at anything is life-affirming and worth experiencing even if it is virtual.

​It does have to be said that other than Michael Rooker, literally every single one of the performances from well-known actors is phoned in to the extreme, and this uniform lack of effort coupled with much of the script and cutscenes being as random as the mission placement gives the story mode a surreal boost that for me pushed this into the upper realms of hilarity, but your mileage may vary depending on your personal drug or alcohol intake. You can regularly buy Crime Boss Rockay City (the name never gets better, it is very silly) on PC, Xbox and PlayStation in sales for less than 4 quid, though I’d definitely recommend purchasing the Dragon’s Gold Cup and the Cagnali’s Order dlc packs which add extra missions and heists into the mix. It’s a lot of fun, and one of only 3 videogames starring Chuck Norris, unlike his erstwhile opponent Bruce Lee, who holds a Guinness world record for ‘most video game appearances by a real life martial artist’.

Bruce Lee, at the time of writing, can be murdered in a variety of ways by everyone’s favourite baldy killer as the current limited-time celebrity mission in ‘Hitman – World of Assassination’ but this will cause the player to fail the mission. This is because Bruce Lee is a cunt.

​Carl Jung 

This month’s influencer Carl Jung (1875–1961) was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded Analytical Psychology and he is best known for his concept of Archetypes, but he also coined the terms “introversion” and “extraversion”, and exerted a lasting influence on the fields of psychiatry, philosophy, and literature. 

Carl Jung was born on 26 July 1875 in Kesswil, Switzerland, the son of a clergyman; he was a solitary child who developed deep interests in philosophy, mysticism, and archaeology. He studied medicine at the University of Basel before specializing in psychiatry at the University of Zurich. He worked at the renowned Burghölzli mental hospital in Zürich and later collaborated closely for several years with Sigmund Freud, although he broke with Freud in 1913 due to their differing views.

Jung proposed that beneath our individual personalities lies a collective unconscious — a reservoir of shared human experiences and symbols that transcend culture and time. Within this collective unconscious exist archetypes: fundamental patterns of human behaviour and motivation that appear across myths, stories, and dreams throughout history.

Jungian archetypes are universal, archaic symbols and patterns of behavior that reside in the collective unconscious, which is a shared layer of the human psyche that transcends individual culture and time. These archetypes are not inherited memories, but rather inherited "forms" or predispositions that shape how we experience life and interpret the world. They manifest in dreams, mythology, literature, and art, acting as the building blocks of human psychology.

While Jung believed there were numerous archetypes, he paid special attention to four major ones that structure the human psyche around the ego:

• The Persona: The "mask" or social face an individual presents to the world to conform to social standards.

• The Shadow: The repressed, dark, or hidden aspects of the personality, often containing traits the conscious mind rejects. 

• The Anima/Animus: The unconscious, contrasexual aspect of an individual. The anima represents the inner feminine side in men, while the animus is the inner masculine side in women.

• The Self: The archetype of wholeness, representing the unification of the conscious and unconscious mind.

Jung was a prolific writer who had a wide influence, too great for the scope of this short article, but I will briefly focus on his insight into the UFO phenomenon of the mid 20th Century.

Jung viewed UFOs primarily as a modern, technological myth and a projection of the collective unconscious during times of anxiety, the particular anxiety being the decline of religious belief (the disenchantment of the world that Max Weber had written about, and was the subject of last month’s Influencer), two world wars, and the then current Cold War with the Soviet Union that began at the end of World War II.

Jung believed these "visionary rumors" represented a psychological need for wholeness, unity, and salvation, manifesting as circular "mandalas" in the sky. Jung termed them "psychoid," implying they exist between physical reality and psychological projection.

Jung noted the frequently circular, round, or luminous shape of UFOs, which he associated with the "Mandala" — an ancient, universal symbol of wholeness and order, arising to compensate for chaotic or fractured times. In an era with declining religious faith, modern humanity projects its need for salvation or aid onto the heavens, replacing traditional divine visions with technological ones. Jung did not dismiss UFOs as pure illusion, noting some seemed to be physical, radar-detected phenomena. He suggested they were "psychoid", a complex bridge where internal psychic content (archetypes) manifests in the external, physical world.

Jung saw the UFO phenomenon as a living myth in the making, reflecting our collective fears and hopes, specifically our anxiety regarding "otherness" and our own technological potential (This was the age of space exploration). He called them "visionary rumors," drawing parallels to historic sightings of supernatural "wheels of fire" or angels in the sky.

Carl Jung died on June 6 of 1961, in Küsnacht, Switzerland, at age 85 having left an indelible mark on the field of psychology, and his theories and concepts continue to influence modern psychology, therapy, and popular culture.

Alan's Bowie best friend Obi 

This is Alan Bowie's best pal Obi!  He is an affectionate chilled and playful cat who purrs like a lion. His cons are he shits in the bath! 

Every single morning he would come into Alan's room and paw his face to wake him up, his face would be right in Alan's which seemed to say 'feed me now'.  It was Alans favourite way to wake up being a cat dad! 

Dear Cosmic Cathy, my mum and I are suddenly living in two different universes when it comes to the news, and I'm worried our Sunday lunch is turning into fight club. How do I keep the peace without completely abandoning my principles? Exhausted-Son, Aberdeen. 

Dear Exhausted-Son, I have drawn you The Page of Swords in the reversed position. Unsurprisingly, this points to miscommunication, being defensive and information getting lost in translation. I know you’re not going to like this, but sometimes the cards can give tough love, and in this instance they are saying that maybe, in some ways, your mother has a point. This isn’t to say you should agree with everything she says, but do listen to her and ask questions, find out how she came to her point of view, curiosity will bring you closer.  Remember the facts are likely to be a mixture of both your truths, don’t let an algorithm designed to polarise people damage your relationship.

Dear Cosmic Cathy, with petrol prices soaring, my bike and I are now best friends. But my boss thinks it's hilarious to schedule 8 a.m. meetings, and I’m rolling into work looking like I’ve run a marathon with no time to freshen up. Any tips for surviving the morning circus? Sweaty-Betty, Glasgow. 

Dear Swetty-Betty, oh dear, buckle up because I’ve drawn you The Eight of Swords. This card says you’re in a sticky situation and no one is coming to help you. You’re going to have to ride this one out and hope you learn some lessons along the way. It’s not going to be easy … Or it means you’ve put yourself in this situation and you’re more than capable of getting yourself out of it. How about doing something like getting up ten minutes earlier so you get to work with time to spare? 

Dear Cosmic-Cathy, I’m a stand-up comic whose notes have become the ultimate snack for my phone’s autocorrect. Every punchline is now a predictive text surprise. How do I keep my jokes from becoming autocorrect’s comedy routine? Join Smooth, Edin burger

Dear Join (if that really is your name), I’ve drawn you The Seven of Wands. This card says you work hard and are very successful, but it hints at you being a little conceited and then disappointed when you’re not as perfect as you expected to be. Keep on working hard and know you’re very talented, but also prepare and check your work before putting it out to your adoring public. I was going to suggest writing your sets the old fashioned way, but another comedian wrote in asking how to stop the dog eating their notes, (feed him dog food) so perhaps that would be worse. Of course, if autocorrect is funnier than you, use it, your phone is (currently) unlikely to sue you for plagiarism.